Seems after writing my last blog about the devastation of the NYC lottery telling me NO...and then disappearing for a few days, made everyone think I'd offed myself! It was bad and I needed to sulk for a bit, but it wasn't THAT bad.
The truth is I needed to slump into the "who cares?" mode for a couple days, to take a real look at why I am running in the 1st place. Sure the wow factor of the "Top 15 Marathons" list looks exciting, Napa was amazing, NYC I am sure is even better, but what else is there looming in the far reaches of my mind? After all, a big party and cool shirt are NOT worth running 26.2 miles.
As we all know, I love to hate running, but there is something that drives me to keep at it year after year. Is it the glory of saying "I did something I thought I never could" or is it the process? God knows I talk a lot about the freakin process. Or is it the community of runners it builds around you? It seemed nebulous. Who the hell chooses to do this over and over again to themselves?
After a long weekend of soul searching, and eating my feelings, I decided that I am not ready to throw my shoes over a telephone line and skip out of here. I want to better myself through running. I love the therapy of it, I love the push that makes me feel like I can do anything in the world after beating down a hard run. I love the way I see life with such clarity when I am training. The world is so much bigger than my office desk, packed calendar and my family...I am a part of it and without running, I forget who I am, what I am about, what I want in my life. So what NYC didn't happen this year? I've got bigger and better things to do with running. I WILL run a Marathon in the Fall, which one I'm not sure, but one thing is for sure, I'm going to run it faster than my last one!
(disclaimer: a snail could run faster than my last Marathon time. )
-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com
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