We don't tell people they should be running. We don't preach the glory of running. We simply run. We question our sanity (as do many of our friends and family members), but we still do it. It isn't a path for everyone and we don't expect it to be. Running for us, is our religion.
Some take to meditation, some to church, for my atheist husband it is the forest trail. Each of us in the world, is looking for the feeling of connection with nature and the grand scheme of life itself, each of us simply go about finding it differently. Running is that link for many people. Nothing makes you feel so small as the days when the pain is crushing and the world seems to swallow you up, but you have to run through it. Nothing is so glorious as the days when something clicks and you run well, birds chirp and the colors of nature wear a sunset filter.
Running alone doesn't require the same disipline that training does, and likewise running simply to excerise robs you of the feeling of wonder and greatness...and the community of runners at races. Races are full of support, friendly faces and shared stories. Races are also full of limping walks, tear stained cheeks and awe.
Like many that inexplicably find themselves turning toward prayer, full of a driving need to find something bigger, I never thought I would be standing at the finish line of an Ultra Marathon waiting for my husband to come in. This is his 2nd Ultra and as I set up the winery sponsorship table, I feel great pride for being a part of this uniquely amazing event. We not only participate, but we sponsors so that we can support each runner with a much needed glass of wine. Think of it as communion. These people have trained months even years to push their bodies to this extreme; it is a small group of elite and they are impressive. Ultra Marathoners are off the charts crazy...and some of the most centered, modest, incredible people you can meet. It is as if they are the Buddhist monks of the running world and to be in their presence is spine tingling.
My husband is one of them. Jesse ran his 1st Ultra (a 53 miler) 2 years ago. I had wondered at the time if it was a midlife crisis, I wondered if he was secretly questioning if he should leave his family, as if running outrageous distances would give his the time to contemplate it. I wondered if it would literally kill him. Instead he finished so strong that I almost fainted from shock. Now as I wait for him to finish his 2nd Ultra (a very hilly off road 45K), I wring my hands is anticipation. He had feared he wasn't prepared enough and since I had watched his training I quietly feared it too. But as his red shirt flashed in the trees toward the finish line and he confidently strode toward the clapping crowd, I welled up with emotion. He is amazing. He can put pain aside and make want he wants happen. He certainly did that creating our winery with his brother, and he can obviously tough out a 45K without much training. The magnitude of who he is as a person, the serenity he has come to posses is awe inspiring. He has encouraged me, inspired me, lovingly supported me to do things that I never thought possible. And as his salt stained shirt crashed into my arms, his heart pounding against my chest, tears of pride rolled down my cheeks. This is a church like no other, this is a fast forward of deep meditation. This is what the human body/ mind/ soul can do in the purest form.
Other runners offered congratulations, other families offered up their seats and volunteers gathered food. It is a group of people in a parking lot forming a utopia. My husband, a man broken by the effort of the day, sat on a bench and silently hung his head between his knees. The release was unapparent to those around, but palpable by everyone and it was understood, even cherished. Yes, you did it. Yes, you earned this cry, yes we understand and strangers and loved ones alike are so proud of you. Yet it is understood, this is his journey and his alone. It is truly magnificent to witness.
In that moment of utter open vulnerability, I found my husband to be more manly, more powerful and more incredible than ever before. He has taught me so much about the possibilities of the world and our lives. And so, standing in the beautiful church of nature, I had a deeply spiritual experience, everyone there did.
As I look forward to my race next weekend, I try to set aside my worries and doubts and center into the experience of it. I try to remember it isn't a big deal, I'm just going to church. And my church has big glasses of wine for communion.
-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com
No comments:
Post a Comment