With a night of my incessant coughing keeping a sick Jesse up all night, I decided to join our 5 year old son when I heard him stirring early yesterday morning. Denim had risen especially early to work on an art creation on his bedroom floor; he often wakes early for his "me time" before Jesse and I stir at 7am. I asked if I could lay in his bed since I was disturbing his dad. Denim welcomed me in, tucked me into his bed, got me a box of Kleenex and lowered the lights. He asked if he should leave the door open or closed since he would be going in and out a lot, he asked if the lights were low enough for me to fall asleep yet allow him to draw, he asked if the lights from the other room disturbed me. I was struck by the incredible sensitivity and kindness. My heart swelled and I marveled at how much I love this little person.
The capacity to love your child is greater than you can ever fathom prior to having one of your own. If you back up from there, the idea that you could actually carry the child inside your body is pretty wild! Every woman that has had a child remembers at 7 months looking at the enormous belly and thinking "there is NO way this belly can get ANY bigger" and yet it does. Then there is the sweat dripping realization at the end of the pregnancy that you will be giving birth, this child will exit your body one way or another and there is nothing you can do about it. The experience is trans-formative. Then there is pulling a new born child to your breast and feeling the surge of tingling as you are able to feed the child from your body! It is mind boggling!
For some conception is difficult, for some pregnancy is difficult, birthing (no matter how it happens) IS difficult, breast feeding is difficult, but the body finds a way. The body has the capacity to do amazing things, outrageous things you never imagined.
For those of you that haven't had a child, I am sure you can connect to the pain of loosing a loved one that leaves you feeling like you can never move past it. Or perhaps a personal hardship that challenged you beyond your mind's imagination. You can't possibly begin to know how your mind and body will come together to get you through monumental challenges, but when faced with one, your body surprises you.
As I watch my child play and I think of the enormous capacity my body has to astound me, I let go of the fear of running a marathon. Injury and sickness has never stopped me in feats of the "impossible" before, so why do I assume it will now? I have no idea how the race will turn out, but I have to trust that the transformation of this journey will test me in a new way regardless and I will make it to the other side.
Who says you can't run a marathon? Haven't you done more already?
-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com
No comments:
Post a Comment