Sunday, December 31, 2017

The Crossing


The final leg of our sailing would be 35-40 hours of sailing, what is called 'blue water', as in no land in sight, just the big deep ocean.

This was the part of the trip that had given me thrills of excitement and chills of fear. I knew the waves would be huge and the ride rough. I also now knew that my son was probably going to be super sick since he had been on the initial overnight sail. My husband on the other hand was like a little boy on Christmas Day, his excitement worn large on his face with a giant grin and a sparkle in his eye.

Almost immediately we had big waves. The boat rolled off most of them, tilting at the top of the wave then sliding to the valley giving us a sensation of being walled in by water. As we got further from land or what had become a thin band of the coast slipping into the blur that was the sky and ocean meeting, gave us waves that caused us to crash violently into the water. Huge sprays of water splashed on deck and since my husband, son and I sat at the front of the boat, giddy with excitement, we got soaked. The roller coaster ride of the boat flying up one side and down the other of these mountains of force made my tummy flip and my spine seize up. The ocean spread out before us, rolling over itself, a deep indigo blue, and reminded us of how small we really are. To see the ocean in that way, immense and powerful, was stunning. We sat, wet, in pure awe of the beauty we were lucky enough to witness and reveled in the experience.

As if the Gods were trying to seal the deal for us to become sailors, a family of dolphins joined our boat not once, but twice. Jumping seamlessly out of the water they criss-crossed each other and danced in the water. Each time they surfaced or leaped into the air, they were almost close enough to touch and the thrill was enough to make me want to cry. It was one of those experiences that make you buy ugly dolphin art and stupid dolphin jewelry so that you can remember it over and over and over.

The sun started to set and we climbed back into the safety of the cockpit.

The magic was over and now we would be at the mercy of the ocean. The waves were relentless and moving about the boat in the dark was far more difficult than ever before. Simply trying to sit was a workout of epic proportions.I thought a lot of my pilates classes. If you wanted to go to the bathroom downstairs, you had to clasp onto the center table, hoist yourself to standing and then, like a rock climber, edge your way around the table to the hatch. During this time, you would smash your hips into the table, followed by being flung onto the lap of someone sitting nearby. Once down the ladder steps, you had to reach, perilously across to another center table and edge around that through the kitchen. Wet feet had tracked water downstairs so there was a layered element of keeping your slipping, sliding feet from completely abandoning you . Our room was off to the right and forward of the boat. There was no door to our cabin, probably because someone had ripped it off on a previous crossing while trying to enter. Once in the cabin, the bunk rails served as hand holds as the boat crashed side to side and lurched forward and down off towering waves. I slammed into the wall then smashed my face into the side railing of the top bunk. I did this about 5 or so times as I eased my way to the toilet. Each step figuring out how to better shield my face, widen my stance, sacrifice my knees and hips and hurry! Once in the bathroom, you had to try to brace yourself while pulling down your pants, turning around and sitting on the toilet. I have never realized how much I take for granted being on land. For men, standing had its own fun challenges which I found out included using your head as a brace against the cabinet above the toilet. Then, you had to pump the toilet so it could empty...while it splashed its contents all over the floor and your feet. When all that fun was over, you had to get your ass back up top...and quickly because being down below added exponentially to being seasick.

We set timers for every 4 hours to take another Dramamine. The pills helped some, but more than anything put you into a hazy sleepy state. I had put a sheet over the vomit soaked bed in an attempt to escape the smell, but as I squeezed under a cubbie on the bottom bunk, my back pressed hard against the side of the boat to try to stay in place, the stuffy, hot, humid air, stank of the remains of days old sickness. My sweet, horrifically sick boy snuggled suffocatingly close, needing the comfort of his mom in a way I haven't seen in years. The timer on my husband's phone rang only as I was about to drift off and we all took more pills. The muscles in my legs and feet cramping in an effort to stay in place made falling asleep beyond difficult, but finally out of pure exhaustion and a heavy drugged state I must have fallen asleep because I found myself waking up. Waking up with the boat still creaking as it strained against the power of the sea. Waking up sweating, unable to open windows while under sail. Waking up wet??? Yes, I woke up wet. The bed was wet. My son was wet. And it smelled like pee. In the heavy drugged state, my poor child had wet the bed. I tried to rouse him, thinking I should change him into dry clothes. But as the boat jerked back and forth, the idea of doing something like that with someone close to unconscious, in the dark, sounded like more than I could handle. I knew this information could possibly send this poor kid off the deep end too; his ability to cope was already at a dangerous low. I took another pill and passed out.

Morning brought zero relief. I heard my son crying in the bathroom as he attempted to change his soaked clothes while being tossed into the counter and walls. I stood up, attempted to change my own clothes, at this point not caring at all that there was no door and got yet another round of smash-the-face-into-the-bunk to which I yelled cuss words into the noise packed air. That is when we discovered that the side window leaked and our bags, filled with our books and other valuables were not just drenched, but sitting in water. However that was better than what happened to my husband's phone. Evidently the "party" night had somehow lead my husband to the cabin with a glass half full of gin...which he tucked into a shelf...which in the night, he put his eyeglasses and cell phone into. Good times!

Night 2, now laying in a vomit and pee soaked bed, I let silent tears stream down my face. I couldn't believe how hard this experience was. Every second was so much work, such absolute hell. My child was so sick and unable to eat or drink that my concern was starting to get very serious. I put aside my own horrific discomfort and tried to distract my kiddo from his torture. I picked up my Dorothy Parker short stories book, soggy and melting under my fingers, and started reading aloud to him. My headlamp danced over the page as my head bounced with the movement of the boat while the book bounced the opposite direction, a result of trying to hold the book over my face since the bunk lacked the space to allow me to sit up. This made reading challenging and added to my own seasickness, but I am a mom and moms make their babies feel better no matter what. The eventual soft rippling laughter of my baby, mixed with the deep soothing laughs of my husband on the top bunk, as they listened to me read the sarcastic, tragic stories would be one of my favorite moments not just on the boat, but ever.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Saturday, December 30, 2017

A Little Piece of Heaven

Perhaps giving way to an angry boat of people paying for him to sail them around, the Captain finally sailed us to a new Island. This 3rd and last Island before we would set off on our 2 day crossing was perfect! The water was beautiful, the beaches were beautiful, the palm tree jungle was beautiful, the snorkeling was beautiful! It was exactly what we all had envisioned. We were there for an afternoon. One, single, tiny, afternoon. Now why you may ask would this jerk of a Captain have us waste all the days we had allotted to exploring Islands with crap ones when this Isle of Perfection was waiting for us just around the corner? We all wondered the same thing. Of course because the Captain never told us any information whatsoever, our wonderment stayed unanswered.

In any case, we loved our time on that Island and as the sun set and we boarded the boat again, we nervously readied ourselves for the start of our crossing that night. Mega doses of Dramamine were taken. Booze was consumed extra by some and not at all by others in preparation. Bags were packed up and everything that could come loose and hit you in the head as we inevitably would be tossed around on the big seas, was stowed. Anxiety was high when the Captain gathered us for an announcement. This had to be important since the stoic one was about to finally speak. "There has been a issue. A passport was left at the immigration office in Panama". Dead silence greeted him as we processed this information. All of our passports had been collected by the Captain when we boarded the boat and all paper work had been handled by the Captain, so the error of not taking a count to ensure that he had ALL the passports, was also the Captain's. "We can not sail tonight, we must sail back to an Island to meet up with the missing passport and retrieve it" he told us in utter annoyance. There was a pause, a long silence as we added this screw up to the tally of things he'd already done to blow our minds, then a roar of excitement as our new friends from Holland exclaimed "PARTY NIGHT!".

The fear of our crossing clearly had us all in a choke hold so hearing that we'd anchor at this perfect Island for the night and get to enjoy ourselves, set the stage for high spirits. Literally every single bottle of booze on the boat was brought on deck, the speaker was plugged into playlists and the dance party commenced.  It was an absolute blast. The hours washed over us and lapped at our feet. The cook and the 1st Mate joined us for the fun and even the Captain lingered in the dark corner, almost participating.

The next morning, we sailed back 2 hours to retrieve the missing passport. There was zero alcohol left on board and our heads rocked heavier than the boat.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Paradise?

Waking up to find yourself at an island straight out of a magazine is absolutely the coolest. The fabulous chef, a woman named Yellen, somehow managed to make 3 outstanding meals a day in the tiny, rocking, boat kitchen and waking up to coffee brewing as you gaze at crystal clear water and white sand beaches tugs at the heart strings of even the most avid sailing haters.

That said, no one had slept well the night before. The rocking of a boat under sail is NOT like the romantic "rocking" of a boat at anchor. It is more like active sleeping where you close your eyes and brace yourself against the walls of your bunk so you aren't dumped on the floor ...and call it sleeping. And that was if you could stomach laying down! Most of the guests, including my son, became horribly ill, even with Dramamine. Here is where everyone said a special thank you for those private toilets. Anyway, it made for a disorienting, off morning. And I now stank of my son's vomit.

Excited to explore this Palm tree laden Island spotted with other sailors (and literally wash the stink off of myself), we jumped into the cool water, snorkel gear in place. The short swim to shore offered a chance to see that the water was filled with unpleasant sea snakes and pokey star fish. I learned about how pokey the star fish were by jamming my foot into one as I spastically splashed about choking on sea water through what I had now determined was a broken snorkel.  At that point I decided I'd let my husband and son fight the currents and keep swimming while I found a seat in the warm sand. I blamed the mishap on needing to acclimate.

This palm tree forest of an Island was intriguing, but really worth only a few hours. We were there for close to 2 days. The currents were too strong to make swimming fun, there was nothing of interest to see on the small Island so one stroll around it was all you needed which meant all of us crammed into the cockpit of the boat and wondered loudly how long we'd be there. Our Captain said nothing. It seemed our Captain lived on his private boat anchored there most of the time. He even took this opportunity to do work on his boat and hang out with his friends while the tourists in his charge languished. A strange introduction to our trip for sure.

We finally moved on to Island #2, a short sail away. This Island was worse than the 1st with even less to see...other than the falling down hut and pet pigs the single Island family had. But it did have a hut that our Captain liked to stay in time to time to practice his guitar. Ahhhh...now you are starting to see right?

Our incredibly cool group of co-guests made time on the boat a fun filled, entertaining one, but as time slipped away and our wordless Captain again left us alone wondering what the hell was going on, we all started to grumble. How long would we be there? When and where would we sail to next? What the hell was the plan? And most importantly, where was the bonfire and lobster dinner we were promised from the website description of this trip? We were getting dangerously close to our blue water crossing where land wouldn't be available for such a party.

As the wine poured a little higher in the glasses and the grumbles got a little louder, our Captain climbed into the one and only dingy, started the motor, and said "this is a good island to have a bonfire if you all want to collect wood and do that". Then he sailed to the Island...in the one and only dingy. I'm not sure how we should have accomplished the goal of a bonfire on that Island. Were we to swim to the Island in the dark, find wood...in the dark and chop it to size with our hands? Use sticks to make the fire? Was this a reenactment of the movie "Castaway"? Clearly we decided that we would not take up his offer and said goodbye to the bond fire and lobster idea. But not happily.

This Captain would not be getting a tip.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Are You Ready for This?

Nothing shows you the truth of a city like leaving the tourist areas. As we took a shuttle through the "other side" of Panama City to meet our boat and sail off, we saw just how much poverty and squalor there was to the dressed up city we'd been enjoying. I couldn't help but be reminded of Belize with the heaps of garbage and dismissive attitude of the locals. It always strikes me that I consider us to be "struggling", only a few years out from when we  (gratefully) relied on food stamps, to see true hardship and that with our modest means, we can live the high life in these countries. Clearly there is much out of balance.

There really is no good way to segway from the 'Debbie Downer' moment I just gave you, to talk about the next leg of our adventure, sailing off on a sailboat to the private islands of San Blas. So I'm going to just let it hang there and talk about some serious white people's problems.

The shuttle picked up the other people we would sail with, a mix of Europeans, and we spent the next couple of hours getting to know each other. As we all introduced ourselves, we were relieved to find they were all incredibly bright, well traveled, very interesting people! This was going to be a blast. And they had the chance to get to know our son who is anything but an average 11 year old, clearly a relief to these couples who for a moment couldn't believe they had to spend their vacation with a "kid".

Driving the  tangled, broken roads through rural Panama was a neon rainbow. Houses painted in mustard yellow, turquoise, hot pink and lime green pierced the juggle and dotted the shores of picturesque lakes. The van bounced and lurched at breakneck speeds jostling us about, foreshadowing the adventure ahead of us.

Once transferred to our 52ft sailboat, we were given our cabin assignments. This had been a point of high stress since boats are tight on space and our kid has sensory issues. Amazingly, this boat was equipped with 5 cabins with private toilets! Now you probably just jumped in your imagination to picturing some lavish boat with grand rooms and dancing space. WRONG! This was still a tiny boat for 15 people, but we had a bunk setup with a double on bottom and single (with very little head space) on top. The private toilet was just that, a toilet. There was space enough to stand and the toilet was crammed in next to a dollhouse sized sink. I was grateful I had dieted prior to this trip because my ass seriously would not have fit otherwise. But hey, it was all ours.

We set sail that night headed for the San Blas Islands. Our Captain was a man of few words so we knew no details, but the wine was cold and the warm breeze sweeping off the sails as the setting sun's rays twinkled on the aqua water made for a relaxed, excited start to what would be one of the most intense experiences of my life.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Walk a Mile in My Shoes

So much has happened since my last post that I will really try not to make this " A Hundred Years of Solitude" style recap. But I can't make any promises.

Picking up from our time in Panama City; we strolled along the beautiful Cinta Costera boardwalk that offers views of the blue hued city skyline and manicured parks. The old town area that is being rebuilt makes for a charming, idyllic place to ooh and ahhh over the beautiful Christmas decorations. Lights dripped from every tree in the quaint parks, sparkled on every colonial building and dazzled in giant holiday themed sculptures. The area is in fact so adorable and the warm air, cooled by the ocean breeze is so enchanting that we decided to walk all the way back to our hotel. It is funny how I didn't realize that Panama City was built on a series of hills until I walked mile after mile in my sweet little Italian leather shoes. My feet were bleeding by the time we got home, and we didn't have any wine to kill the pain. Not the best planning.

As if we hadn't had enough walking, the next day we decided to take the much talked about jungle hike to the city's second highest hilltop for breath taking views. Being that I couldn't stick my bloody sausage feet into any shoes, I went on this hike in flip flops. I know, it is a ridiculous show of shoe choice in repeat. The hike was lush and humid with a well kept trail and jungle beauty like that of Tikal, Guatemala.  Adorable little monkeys chattered to each other overhead while birds of all kinds wowed us with their stunning colors. Strange trees and vibrant flowers hugged the path and the 360 degree view of the city and valley from the top did not disappoint. On the way back down we finally spotted the proverbial "cherry on top" with a sloth hanging causally from a branch watching us. It was AWESOME. I also looked like I had showered somewhere along the way, emerging from the jungle literally soaking wet. Sweat dripped down my hair and stung my eyes and my shirt clung to me in a sticky mess.On the up side, I managed to escape without further damage to my feet...even with the long lines of marching ants that accompanied us.

Of course there are the things that made Panama City a challenge, like food my kid won't eat, trash strewn about and people living on the street. Things are a little confusing, it definitely isn't an intuitive city in layout and not speaking much Spanish is a definite drawback there. I found myself comfortable, yet uncomfortable. Needless to say I enjoyed the few days there and also was ready to move on. Move on to a far more uncomfortable leg of our journey; the boat.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Monday, December 18, 2017

Starting the Adventure

To start a big adventure like living in Colombia for 2 months, you start with a laborious travel day.

Living in Northern New Mexico has many advantages, until you want to go somewhere else. We live 2 hours from the International airport in Albuquerque and our flight was leaving at 5:10am so we had to leave the day before and spend the night in a hotel. Then we had to get up at 3:00am in order to park the car and check in. THEN we flew to Dallas...and Miami...and finally Panama City at 8:30pm. It was ridiculous.

That being said, we all managed to stay in good spirits and even lucked into an "International Flyers Welcome" at Miami airport with Perrier Jouet Champagne and French macaroons. You had me at hello Miami, you had me at hello. When we finally arrived at the hotel in Panama City, we were on sensory overload and the party atmosphere of Friday night surrounding us was a bit overwhelming. We hunkered down in our spacious, modern hotel room and gazed out the floor to ceiling windows at the magnificent architecture of down town. Just as we said goodbye to the heightened travelers energy and started to climb into bed, we heard a series of loud bangs. Of course having been indoctrinated as Americans to fear all other countries, we looked at each other in shock and all wondered if it was gun shots. Cautiously peaking out the curtains revealed an amazing fireworks display! We glued ourselves to the air conditioned glass of the windows and enjoyed front row seats to a fantastic show. It was a perfect welcome to the city.

Waking up in Panama City, our 1st day on our adventure, was leisurely and pleasant, like the warm air that bathed us as we meandered the twisting streets. Striking, beautiful sculpture like buildings rose up around us, while the street level entertained us with high-end dress shops, cafes and restaurants. The tropical trees gave spotted shade and the sidewalks offered a gauntlet of ways to trip and kill yourself. This city has an International feel, filled with beauty and yet also tinged with the signs of despair. Some buildings are dirty and in need of repair, while small casinos shine bright on every corner. It is the strangest mismash of cities I've seen. It is like Rome, Vegas and Bangkok had a baby.

Needless to say, the adventure has definitely begun!

OH and I almost forgot the most important part, there is wine here! I worried that it would be like when we went to Belize and I couldn't "Belize" it (I can't help that dorky joke), but they had no wine. Wait, no they had some wine...horrible crap I would never pay the $3 they ask for at home that in Belize was $28. But I digress, they have wine in all the little corner markets and not outrageously priced for decent stuff! It is a very fun discovery indeed.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Holy Cow, Here We Go!

Nothing like a brain tumor to give you a swift kick in the butt right? So what do you do when with that experience? As many of my faithful readers know, I thought that should be taking sailing lessons and buying a sailboat. When the boat deal fell through, and finding the right boat seemed to be stretching into the distance, my husband and I had to have a serious talk about what to do. I could feel myself sliding back into habits of over working and high stress as my health improved and I went back to full time work. It was clear to me that I needed to do something big and now.

Welcome to our 2 month adventure living in Colombia! Why Colombia? Well, my hubby did a study abroad in Chile while in College (which is how he fell in love with wine, if you are not familiar with the Vivac Winery start up story) and spent time traveling to the nearby countries...except for Colombia. As an avid traveler, and fluent Spanish speaker, the enticing country he had yet to explore called to him. The hugely varying climates was intriguing to all of us; high altitude (10,000ft) cities, the charming colonial towns, the gorgeous beaches and the lush juggles. My son, a 45yr old man trapped in an 11yr old's body was drawn to the land of Gabriel Garcia Marques (one of his favorite authors). And me? I wanted something that would take me out of my comfort zone and be an adventure.

We decided to fly to Panama City, Panama where we would stay a couple days, then board a 52ft sailboat (with crew) to sail to Colombia. The 6 days of sailing includes visiting some remote islands and a 2 day blue water crossing (that means no land in sight for 2 full days). We land in Cartagena, Colombia the day before Christmas Eve. We plan to spend a week in the old city of Cartagena, enjoying the Christmas activities and then go out from there exploring the various areas of the country. We hope to find a cool little town to settle into and become a part of for at least a month. Since my son graduated from 7th grade in one semester, by working his butt off at his extraordinary school, his only job is to learn about the cultures we are enveloped in and enjoy himself. My job, is to take all of you on the ride with us!

So buckle your seat belt and away we go!

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

The Good News

Those of you that have been following this blog know just how hard last year was, those of you that are new readers, you are welcome to go back and read earlier posts, but a quick overview is that I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, more specifically "an adenoma on the pituitary". Lucky me, mine was active and caused horrific side effects. My life seemed to spiral out of control as I prepared myself and my family for brain surgery. It was terrifying.

This year, everything changed. The tumor shrank, medication got me back on my feet and life resumed. We all held our breath as my health continued to be good, yet the threat that it could start growing again and the horror show could start all over loomed heavy over our heads.

In November I headed into the second 6 mo MRI and blood work nervously. I was armed with my cozy blanket and music cd, obvious that I was a pro at the 1hr 10min MRIs I need to monitor this thing in my head. This is the true test, what is this little fucker (excuse the language) up to? If it is good news, I will move to once a year MRIs. If it is bad...then, well, it is bad.

Days later we got the results that it is not growing, it is in fact significantly smaller than it 1st was and the blood work was excellent signalling that it is no longer active. This is terrific news! But I have to admit, I had a deep sense of disappointment that it isn't gone. My absolutely amazing Doctor says realistically I shouldn't expect it to ever fully disappear, but to focus on this incredibly positive news. I plan to take his advice. After I sulk for a little bit.

In fact, I plan to grab life by the you-know-what and have big bold adventures! Starting off with a 2 month trip to Colombia with the love of my life and my heart and soul, my hubby and son. Last year I swore I wouldn't let fear dictate my life, stress control me and instead do things that made my eyes pop wide open in awe.

Ok ok, I do have some fear about this trip, but the idea is to 'feel the fear and do it anyway' right? So when those fearful thoughts like ...
will they have wine?
will the wine be too expensive?
will the wine be horrible?
how easily will I be able to my hands on wine?

Seriously scary thoughts, I know. But I am going to embrace the fear and drink rum drinks and lots and lots of coffee.

Stay tuned for tales of our travels!

(this post is brought to you by Vivac Aglianico, Divino and Diavolo which I will be drinking by the gallon until I leave in an attempt to quench my wine thirst from the thought of going without.)

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Monday, November 20, 2017

Thankful for Wine in the Glass: A Tour of NM Wineries

It's Thanksgiving week so this post will be about what we are thankful for...at the winery.

Vivac is owned and run by my husband and his brother, myself and my sister-in-law. The 4 of us have given blood, sweat and tears to the winery over almost 2 decades and hope to reach a point where we can pass it on to our children as a lucrative inheritance. As we built this winery, literally from the ground up, we have moved from working outside jobs to fund buying grapes and barrels, bottling at night at the end of a long shift and doing every last part of the process personally, to now having a division of labor, a fantastic staff and we are no longer on food stamps! As the winery has grown, so have we. We have won International wine competition awards, learned the hard way what works for us and what does not and are deeply involved in the development of the industry in the state as a whole. We have learned not to take every last thing so damn seriously and that taking time off is just as important as the time put in. So what better idea is there than to gather up our staff and visit some of our friends wineries to do a little compare and contrast; give us perspective on what we can be grateful for and where we need to improve?

We hired Cindy with New Mexico Wine Tours to take us around Albuquerque on her luxury bus and back home to Dixon. I highly recommend doing this at some point, Cindy is fabulous and having a bus allows you to imbibe safely. She can tailor the tour to your needs/ wants and get you up to visit us where you can drink in the view. There are several wineries on the way up to us and (cue unabashed plug) with phenomenal wines, local beers on tap, local cider, handmade chocolates, handmade cheeses, and all kinds of goodies, you really shouldn't visit NM or live in NM and not make it up to see us.

We couldn't include every single winery we wanted to or we'd drown, so we selected a variety to show different sized wineries as well as different approaches to winemaking and/ or customer experiences. I hesitate to name the wineries we visited because I want to share some of the things we learned and some of that may color your idea of that winery, which isn't fair. We all have off days or things that don't go smoothly. It is important to go out and visit all the wonderful wineries in our state without prejudice.

And let the complaining begin! You didn't think you'd escape my complaining just because this is a post about being thankful and doesn't include running did you? Silly readers, I always complain!

Of all the wineries, the thing we walked away with is that we are a thirsty group and most of the time the wine flowed like molasses. No joke! Perhaps you have had the same experience? It took too long to get a glass in your hand or too long between pours or too little of a pour...whatever it is (and we have dealt with complaints too), it comes down to POUR THE DAMN WINE! It is a legal standard that we all have to adhere to with how much to pour, but if the tasting is going so slowly that you spend most of the time twirling your empty glass, it feels like you were not given enough wine. Also, if you are not being entertained, the lack of wine becomes your focus. At one winery, we had to wait so long between pours and with absolutely no information or "entertainment" that we left. Lets face it, we are in the service industry and people expect you to 'dance' for them...so do it! At another winery conversation became too personal with the server oversharing to the point that it felt more like a therapy session...AND we had no wine in our glasses. It was borderline painful, clearly not the experience customers want. We are thankful for those that are not shy to ask for a taste of the next wine.

At one of the wineries, there was actually too much entertainment which made the tasting take too long. We all agreed too much was better than too little, but that the focus also needs to be on the group enjoying themselves and a little less about the winery's need to lecture. That said, the wine flowed well and constantly which made for a happy group. We are thankful for drinking wine in the morning.

At another winery, they relied on reputation to do all the work for them. This made that winery pale in comparison to other wineries. This is definitely not the desired goal. I don't think any of us want people leaving our tasting room saying "that was nice, but..." and while reputation may have gotten people in the door, it is your job to wow them while they are there. Here it is again, do the dance people! We are thankful for delicious wines even if there is no fanfare.

We also managed to sneak in lunch at a place that was fabulous with beautiful atmosphere but crap service. I am pretty understanding and give people a lot of slack, but this poor girl couldn't have figured out how to take an order or remember what she was supposed to do to save her life. It was a great lesson to our staff in how being distracted or flustered makes for a terrible experience for the customer. Breath, slow down and BE NICE! Seems simple, but over and over again that seems to be the challenge, just being nice. We are thankful for getting to finally leave.

Then there was the winery that had such screwy hours that it became difficult to visit, even with a scheduled appointment. When we were late (we know that is an annoying thing to do to someone that is waiting to meet you, but also unavoidable that day) and we could not connect with the owner to update our timing, we showed up to a locked gate. The high number of signs during this interaction  that said to us "I don't care" really wasn't good for business. Talk about a good learning opportunity! We are thankful for ordering drinks at lunch to get us through the dry patch.

Not to sound full of myself, but in truth, most wineries, even in high profile areas like Napa, roll out the red carpet when they hear winemakers are visiting (yes, we are now totally spoiled). We hope that our staff does the same in return. However at one winery, the staff was so busy that they were not only distracted, but gave us the distinct impression that we were a pain in the ass for being there. Pretty sure that winery did NOT want us to have that experience. Server after server came through, trading off who would throw wine at us, each server worse than the last. At one point when I asked the server to share with our group the story of the winery, she said with an exasperated huff "I really don't know". Hmmm...that sucks. We are thankful for knowing when to leave an abusive relationship. Yes, our experience tasting wine is a relationship.

It wasn't all negative though. Over all the wineries were lovely and welcoming and we had an amazing day tasting wines that were different than ours. We had a wonderful time with a group of incredible people that made us so thankful they are our staff. We were able to make that trip happen and take a day off to play, boy oh boy are we thankful to be at a point where we can do that! We saw that our staff is engaged and excited and that they are doing a fabulous job. Each one of them is always trying their best, and for that we are so very thankful. We also saw that the industry as a whole is growing and evolving and yet showing individual personality and that is very exciting. We learned that we are doing so much right and that we need to be grateful for how far we have come.

So this Thanksgiving, be thankful for the little family owned businesses around you, be thankful for the people that make your dreams come true, be thankful for the changes you've made in your life and above all, lets be thankful for the wine in our glasses!

*this post is brought to you by the newly released Heaven & Hell Artist Series wines: Divino & Diavolo. These wines are off the charts amazing, the label art by Jessamyn Lovell is mind blowing and they are a must have for your Thanksgiving meal.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Diet? What Diet?

I'm starting to wonder if I should have named this blog "Complainie Complainerton". But then that is half of what all of you seem to love... at least your private messages to me say that; you are a shy group! So why make excuses, let's get this complaining party started!

Crush is heavy under way (the time when we get grapes coming in from all the vineyards and wine making starts) which coincides with huge fun filled wine festivals and events. During this time, we are exhausted, excited and stressed. So of course I decided that NOW was the time to really kick my butt and start a diet. I mean why head into your busiest time and be easy on yourself? No, no, why not add a complex diet to your stress load so you can intermittently fail and add hating yourself to the fun? Clearly that is the correct choice.

You thought I was already on a diet from reading my previous posts didn't you? See? I'm a spaz! I was and then realized that I suck at dieting. I hate meal prepping. I hate cooking so spending a full day cooking all the crap, I don't want to eat, for the week sounds like torture. Not to mention I drink when I cook so that leads to a tipsy lady by the end of the prep day. In an effort to be safe, I cut out dealing with sharp objects and fire and just sat on the sofa and drank. No prepped meals, but soooo much more enjoyable AND I believe me when I promise to eat 'right' all week.

Every single weekend, as I sit on the sofa and drink wine, I also promise to workout all week. They talk about "beer goggles", well I think I have "wine-exercise goggles". Every time I have a couple glasses of wine, I think I am going to train for the Olympics the next day. Guess what? I don't. In fact, I am not even doing very well keeping up with my Physical Therapy exercises. I know, it is pathetic. And to end your curiosity, I do NOT eat 'right' during the week.

I am also not surrounded by much support. My talented winemaker husband MAKES me taste new wines. Famous Guest Chef's to our events MAKE me taste their special dishes. Travelling winemakers from prestigious wineries around the world MAKE me taste their award winners. Friends with free tickets to specialty events MAKE me go eat lobster and fried oysters and duck and little delightful pastries and then wash it down with the world's very best wines! I mean, really it is a cruel cruel world when you are trying to diet.

Needless to say a friend recommended a lazy person's option with protein shakes and limited calorie meals. I decided if I ever wanted to take this 'brain tumor weight' off, I needed to do it before I got so comfortable with my humpty-dumpty shape, I stopped seeing it.  I immediately lost weight and felt good on the diet! I felt so great about it, that I decided I was invincible and attended some of the aforementioned events.  It started slow with a work event and a few sips of wine, I skipped the enticing food and felt I'd escaped fairly unscathed! I was a dieting badass. Next was the event with friends where I decided calories didn't count, boy was that a fun day! Clearly less of a badass day. And then finally I closed the week with an event that had lots of wine, lots of phenomenal food and ended with tequila shots and a bowl of pita chips. That day was zero badass and 100% dumbass. Amazingly, I didn't loose any weight that week.

"Enough woman!" I screamed into the empty wine bottle. The next day I got right back on my shake train and vowed to kick this pudgy butt to the curb. It's going pretty well too. All I have to do to stay away from delicious food and choose to eat vegetables, say no to the beautiful ruby liquid of the Gods and just drink water...is to go to bed at 7:00pm. It is really amazing how much willpower I have when I experience the world from the other side of a locked bedroom door, wearing an eye mask and ear plugs.

* This post is sponsored by all my scorned lovers: Vivac Malbec, Vivac Aglianico, Vivac Refosco

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Monday, September 4, 2017

Celebrating the Labor

Ever notice that people that are in the food/ beverage/ hospitality industry are never excited about the big holiday weekends? That's because, while YOU have off to play with your family and friends, WE are working... A LOT.

For winery people, not only are the tasting rooms bustling with events and promos, but in September, we are smack in the middle of crush (harvest). This means that grapes are coming in that need to be made into wine; with constant attention and care during fermentation. We are also making more space in the winery for the wave upon wave of grapes needing to be processed. THEN we have the wine festivals. Whomever decided that it was an ideal time to have a huge wine festival when we are all at our wit's end in not just one city, but two (Albuquerque & Las Cruses), should be tortured by a long slow death... of restricted wine.

Needless to say, we are happy to do what we do and love seeing all your happy faces at the festivals and our tasting rooms. This is a time when people flock to their favorite local spots and enjoy an extra laugh or two. We know that you work hard for your money and when you choose to help us live our dream by spending that money at our place, it not only makes working extra over the weekend worth while, but warms our hearts. Thank you for making us a part of your holiday!

* followup to my 2 previous posts about dieting...you simply can NOT diet on a holiday weekend. Also, I am typing this with a glass of wine in hand. I know all of you are drinking this weekend and it isn't good to drink alone so I'm having a glass of wine "with" you. You're welcome. 

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Monday, August 28, 2017

She's Been a Bad Bad Girl

I feel like a complete loser.  I started a diet, was off to a grand start and then I seriously dropped the ball.

My son had a camp-out so my husband and I had one of those stay-up-talking-all-hours-of-the-night kind of nights which I love, but I have to admit, they always have wine involved.  I had not been drinking my beloved wine, but when your winemaker husband comes home with different vintages of Syrah to taste side by side...well, you HAVE to! Ok, maybe I was the one that suggested we taste them side by side, but let's not point guilty fingers, the point is we then had multiple open bottles of wine that were begging to be enjoyed.

The next day I had a marathon of a hangover. Why is it that when you haven't been drinking, it hurts so much more? Shouldn't your body be in a happy place and able to weather the storm better? Biology class aside, I simply could not stay on my diet and succumbed to every desire my tummy threw at me. Flour tortillas? YES (those are definitely NOT on my gluten free diet). Candy? YES! More wine? Uhhhhh duh, I said I was hungover didn't I?

OK so 2 days in a row and back to the diet. Or so I thought. I am now on day 5 of having wine and honestly, I don't think I will be skipping it tonight. I feel a cold coming on and clearly need the alcohol to burn the germs out. I will work on being good on my diet on Wednesday, Wednesday has a nice ring to it.

*This post was brought to you by Vivac Winery Syrah, available in wine growlers from our wine kegs. The perfect way to fall off your diet.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Monday, August 21, 2017

Take it Off Baby!

OK people, long time no post! Summer flew by and if you are anything like me, you did NOT start that workout plan and did NOT diet. I have some "brain tumor" weight lingering that I would like to take off, but food tastes so good! And wine tastes even better.

I've had it with carrying this extra weight though. I'm feeling better now so I want to look better too. I still have my ankle injury to contend with, but I'm serious in my focus. I have already gone over a week with very limited alcohol intake and a Gluten Free diet. I know you are all thinking "limited" wine in my diet must mean I'm down to a bottle a day, but I swear, over this past week I only had 4 glasses of wine! One glass on two different nights and 2 glasses of sparkling wine on another day.  It is impossible to only have one glass of sparkling wine... and maybe illegal. Anyway, that means lots of nights without anything. It isn't fun, but I'm already down 4 pounds so lets keep this train movin!

I know that exercise coupled with calorie restriction is the best way to shed pounds, yet each of the days this past week, as I went to bed each night, I would plan the next day to start working out and each and every day, I forgot. I even looked up YouTube exercise videos, but still, the next morning I woke with a fresh, blank memory.

So now that my son is back in school and I can focus on me a little more, I am determined to start working out. I mean, not today. Today is the 1st day back at school and I wore a cute skirt without thinking about it (see?!? I completely forgot that I had ANY intention to work out today). BUT I am going to research possible workouts I'd like to try...so that I can forget about them tomorrow.

Cheers! Wait, not cheers for me, I'm not drinking today. Will you drink for me? A good friend would drink for me.

* this post is brought to you by the wines I am fantasizing about today: Vivac Winery Gruner Veltliner, Vivac Winery Montepulciano & Vivac Winery Malbec

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Uncharted Territory

The last we left off, was with Anxiety Wine Pairings... now it is the beginning of June and it seems a whole new world. Physical Therapy has proven helpful and I am becoming less of a marionette, liable to fall apart with the slightest breeze, however the past month has not been easy.

A few weeks ago, a young boy had a tragic accident. Out of respect for the family I will leave the details out of this post. All I will say is that you never know when it could be the last time you hug your loved ones. As a mother of a similarly aged boy, my empathy for his mother is enough to break my soul; the family is in crushing pain. If you can help, please contribute to GoFundMe by clicking here.

Attempting to not wallow in the depths of darkness, it seems to be a good time to check in with our own families, take an inventory of how everyone is doing and start a conversation about how to handle our feelings and share them. My personal family had to start this process as my health sharply declined last year and I had to have the most difficult conversation of all time with my 10 year old son... you will be ok if mommy isn't here with you. Man just typing that made my throat swell shut and tears spring to my eyes. Needless to say it put every moment of holding hands to cross a street, every head slumped on my shoulder while watching a movie, every single "I love you" into blazing clarity. After this recent tragic event, it has given these treasured moments even more weight; parents aren't suppose to lose their children.  It isn't easy, but we have started having the super scary discussions about depression and suicide and teenage hormones. I'm pretty sure Nightmare on Elm Street's Freddy Kruger would even be terrified of these talks.

It can feel daunting to speak about the things that scare us the most, it seems easier to work a little more, add an extra activity to the schedule, take the smiles at face value and call it ok, but what if it isn't? As I head back to work full time and an event season for the winery that is dizzying, I try to remember to slow down, not to lose the incredible insight I've garnered, but I find my instincts are to allow distraction to take precedence. Like a mantra I keep repeating 'slow down', something I've never been good at.

And so this summer stretches out in front of us full of uncharted territory. Always remembering to stop and slowly sip your wine.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Anxiety Wine Pairings

Anxiety wine pairings...this is not for people that have anxiety ABOUT pairing wines, this is for people that suffer from anxiety and need wine. Anxiety pairs with pretty much any wine you can drink in copious amounts, of course I am a professional so that means literally any wine I can get my hands on. Only problem is the medication I was on to pull my cortisol levels down and return me to a human being, was extremely hard on my liver meaning I have to be super careful with adding alcohol back into my diet...which causes my anxiety to rise. Sounds like a fun merry-go-round doesn't it?

Why are you so full of anxiety you ask? Didn't that tumor in your head shrink and haven't you started feeling good? YES and yes, but due to the mega amount of cortisol that made itself at home in my body for a year and a half (tumor had my body make excess cortisol and not dump used cortisol so a 6-19 normal range for cortisol became 47 for me); that cortisol then damaged my tendons and ligaments...all of them. I feel like a marionette liable to break free from its strings and fall into a heap on the floor. Let's face it, with the ankle sprain that tore 2 tendons and ruptured 2 ligaments completely, coupled with the dislocated shoulder from doing practically nothing, that is a close reality.


I am now clunking around in the boot the doctor gave me to help my ankle, giving me a lopsided hobble that puts stress on my hips, knees and supporting ankle...just waiting for the strings of one of these spots to break free too. I also worry about the possibility to actually heal these injuries. See the cortisol damaging the ligaments and tendons also makes it take longer to heal. If I am not properly healing, then surgery will need to happen to reconnect the ruptured ligaments. An MRI will determine if significant damage was done to my shoulder which then could result in surgery as well. My body is just so damned excited about having surgery that evidently when the brain surgery was put on the back burner (if the tumor starts to grow, surgery is a possibility once again) that it is having a party trying to get me on that operating table! Feeling like a bottle of wine a day for each individual injury should be mandatory, don't you agree? 


Then, my son got sick. A strange cold of sorts that has given him headaches and a bout of the crummies. I THINK I may be catching his bug, a headache has attacked me, but having a headache sends me into a panic that would rival a tsunami warning for someone living beach side. I try to relax, but evil thoughts swarm inside my head like a beehive "Maybe it's back! Maybe it's growing! Maybe you are getting sick again!". Headaches should not be this stressful. Surely an additional bottle of wine daily should be prescribed.  Oh and I can't sleep due to all my crazy thoughts so probably another bottle for that. What are we up to? 4 bottles a day? Sounds like liver failure for sure. Great another stressful thought. 


So back to anxiety pairings: a bright light wine like our Gruner Veltliner should start off your morning. Something happy you know? Then mid-morning a lighter bodied red, like our Pinot Noir, it can even be served slightly chilled making it a perfect choice for running from your problems. This will be followed by our Divino red wine blend, because your anxiety levels at this point in the day are driving you to start praying to the heavens for help. And finally our Diavolo red wine blend in the evening, because after a day of juggling depressing thoughts and surges of adrenaline from the anxiety, you feel like you are in hell. Big bold reds also are equivalent to comfort food so you can have it as dinner and not feel guilty. Oh wait we need to add in a glass of our port style wine Amante (not a bottle, a glass! See how restrained I am?) with cheese because you skipped dinner. I don't know if that cures anxiety, but you'd be so drunk you probably wouldn't care. We can call it the anxiety medicine diet. The word medicine makes it not just OK, but good for you.


Not being able to drink all this delicious "medicine" makes me mad all over again at that bitch cortisol. Man who knew a hormone could reek such havoc? I should probably create a pairing for punching cortisol in the face. Wouldn't that be great if drinking a specific wine was actually like physically punching your problem in the face? Well, and not make you a raging alcoholic of course. 


-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Pushing it to the Limit

After the health problems of this past year, I jumped at the opportunity to take sailing classes in San Carlos, Mexico. My winemaker husband and his brother (co-winemaker) have had the dream of sailing since they were kids...ok they really had the dream of being pirates, but this is the 1st step. As my health deteriorated this past year and possible brain surgery loomed menacingly over us, we took to writing a bucket list...a list we would attack as soon as I was better. After the meds started helping me feel better and the brain tumor reduced in size, we took "seize the day" to a very literal meaning and got on a boat immediately. I am done being afraid. I am done putting work 1st and waiting for the right time to hit that bucket list. I am done putting things off for a future time. The future is too unpredictable.

Having extremely limited experience on a sailboat, myself, my husband, his brother and my sister-in-law all embarked on this adventure with a little trepidation. The class was rigorous and 2 of the days hailed 30 mile per hour winds which in turn gave us 6 foot waves and a " A Perfect Storm" kind of thrill ride few have had. As I scream/ laughed while hanging onto boat rigging so I would literally not fall out of the boat as it heaved onto its side, waves slapped my face and life sparkled so bright in contrast to the dark clouds overhead that it took my breath away.

As I type this, tears spring to my eyes. It is difficult to express the intensity of emotions this past year has given me and to be with my family, on a boat, doing something so wild, gave me the deepest heart wrenching appreciation to be alive and feeling good. It may seem overly dramatic to be sitting in a cafe crying over how special a violent sailing experience was, my husband certainly would say I am overreacting, but I can't help feeling overtly happy at the simple fact that I feel good again. It is amazing how we take our health for granted. We stress over silly things and complain when our bodies are anything but perfect. When I compare the pain I experienced this past year, the level of sickness, it rivals a severely sprained ankle or a dislocated shoulder.

I would like to add at this time that I severely sprained my ankle and also dislocated my shoulder while on this trip to Mexico.

A walking catastrophe, I stupidly jumped off the sailboat and onto the dock, not at the safely appointed side-stays, but an aft portion of the boat, and onto a docking cleat. Please take a moment to note and appreciate all the sailing terms I just used. My ankle rolled and the instant pain of it made me sit down then and there on the dock in a daze. My leg from the knee down turned purple. It was lovely. The searing pain that pulsed through my ankle was multiplied by limping around on it. A deep burning sensation punctuated by a piercing pain became my existence. All the while, due to the medication I have been on, I could not take ANY pain pills or have any alcohol. I seriously wanted a glass of wine too. BUT, even with this pain, it was nothing compared to the pain of a brain tumor.

As I limped around, using my arms as crutches...because why would I actually go to a doctor right away and get crutches? I found myself in an awkward position trying to maneuver in a tight space, favoring my injured ankle and pushing myself up to standing...I dislocated my shoulder. I know, WTH?

With my left shoulder slumped and a bone oddly protruding forward under the skin, I attempted to move my suddenly paralyzed left arm with my right hand; the sharp pain shot like lightening through my shoulder. When I woke up, evidently having passed out from the pain, I woke my husband for help. He quickly YouTubed diagnosing a dislocated shoulder and how to reset it. painfully laying me out on the bed, sweat beading up on my forehead, my dedicated hubby braced one foot flat against my rib cage and grabbed my left arm. The 1st couple times he maneuvered my arm, I moaned in deep pain, but being that it was 2am in a house full of sleeping family members, I did not scream, I quietly pleaded that he keep trying. 3rd time was the charm and I instantly could move my left hand again. This extreme pain still has nothing on a brain tumor.

So back to the overly dramatic description of our sailing adventure. I think I have adequately demonstrated that I am NOT an over-reactor since it is clear that I can seriously keep my cool. I bandaged my ankle, put my arm in a sling and finished the last 2 days of sailing classes. Luckily some of the "jobs" on a boat can be done seated with one arm. Ya, I think I earned my pirate badge. Actually my sister-in-law had gotten a terrible eye infection days earlier so between us, we made the perfect pirate: eye patch and peg leg CHECK!

The sea may have calmed as we completed the course, but the bright sparkle of life, enthusiasm, joy and love continued to rise in me. Perhaps that is why I am pulled to cry, as if all the awe for being healthy and alive is pushing the joy right up and out of my eyes.

Enough of the corny, inspirational poster talk and more of the pirate! Let's buy a boat...arrrr! I think I've earned one.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Monday, February 13, 2017

The Valentine's Day Wine List You Actually Need

Let's face it, Valentine's Day is not friendly to most people, either you hold your significant other to an impossibly high standard that is a set-up to fail or you are single and it is suddenly glaringly obvious you are alone. No matter what your situation is, it is best to avoid the drama and take care of yourself. After all, if you don't love yourself, how can anyone else love you? And love is always shown in wine.

Valentine's Day Vivac Wine Pairings:

Vivac Chenin Blanc (wht) - to brighten your day, maybe even drink it in the morning?
buy Vivac Chenin Blanc now

Vivac Chardonnay (wht) - the creaminess will sooth your nerves as people post obnoxious photos of their Valentine's Day treats on social media.
buy Vivac Chardonnay now

Vivac Pinot Noir (red) - because gosh darn, you deserve it!
buy Vivac Pinot now

Vivac Cabernet Sauvignon (red) - you have to have your chocolate with wine don't you?
buy Vivac Cab now

Vivac Divino (red) - a wow wine to really impress yourself with. "oh self, you shouldn't have!"
buy Vivac Divino red blend now

Vivac Late Harvest Riesling (dessert) - pairing it with strawberries means it has no calories and the smaller bottle means you don't have to feel bad for drinking the whole thing by yourself.
buy Vivac Late Harvest now

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Feisty Feisty Feisty!

Welcome to 2017 and a very feisty me!

Going without wine can make people feisty. Maybe that's it? When I started on this new medication to assist the symptoms of my brain tumor, I knew I was agreeing to a sad road of zero wine for 12 weeks. For some that wouldn't seem like much, for me, one of the owners of a winery, that sounded like a death sentence.

6 weeks into the medication and I am starting to feel a little relief, more energy and my body is starting to return to a recognizable shape. Maybe the relief from the constant sickness has made me feisty?

Living without wine has been interesting, but not in the way I had thought. I hadn't been drinking all that much prior to starting the meds simply because most of the time I was too sick to have any, yet out of habit, I think of a glass of wine at the end of the day. Heading out to a special dinner, I think of the celebration wines to be opened. Every time I open my refrigerator I instinctively grab a bottle of wine. But I don't actually crave it. I miss it like an old friend I only now get to skype with, but my life has gone on fine without it. Maybe changing an ingrained habit has made me feisty?

WARNING: I am not recommending going without wine! As one of the owners of Vivac Winery, I have to take a moment to say, all people should be drinking wine because it reduces stress, is good for your heath and makes you smarter.  That last one might be my opinion, but you should regard my opinion as fact. 

What has been surprising is that zero booze doesn't mean zero hangover. I still wake up with a blistering headache and nausea every morning. Could headaches be making me feisty? I'm also surprised at people's reaction to me not drinking. It's as if I have checked into rehab. People are panicky and uncomfortable as if I may, in my lack of wine craze, freak out and slap their wine out of their hands and scream nonsense at them. I swear I don't do that. However, in my new feisty mood, I do think that would be really funny to do. I also find it interesting that people are sure that I could make an exception "just this once" yet I have liver failure as a possibility if I do...even I don't love wine THAT much! Maybe it is the reactions I'm getting from people that's making me feisty?

A final surprise has been the idea that I can't do my job without drinking. Scheduled meetings that find out I am not drinking offer to reschedule for a time after I can drink again. Family members have worried about how I would have to compensate for the lack of drinking. Funny thing is, other than my memory issues, due to my brain tumor, my wine knowledge is locked in my head and accessible to me even when I'm NOT drinking wine. I know it IS amazing. I'm probably part unicorn. Maybe that's why I'm so feisty, I have a unicorn horn growing out of my forehead?

Lots of people are also sure that the lack of booze is why my body is finally returning to a somewhat normal shape. But before the meds, I wasn't drinking much AND I was vomiting profusely. I managed to continue carrying the pregnancy belly, have a flattened pig face and gain weight uncontrollably. These are the symptoms of the illness and not body dysmorphia. It is a fact that that is what happened to my body, yet talking about it makes people so uncomfortable! I've never been told so much, how important it is to "love my body", as if noting changes and feeling good with the loss of symptoms that made me self conscious, unhappy and uncomfortable translates to hating my body. Maybe the frustration is making me feisty?

Needless to say, the feisty new me knows that life is too short and too unpredictable to be caught up in these things. I will have to watch this brain tumor for the rest of my life, and it is a gift. This past year, I had to learn to delegate, how to appreciate little wins and to focus on hugging and kissing those I love as much as possible. Because this thing could start growing again, I will always be forced to make choices based on the now. How many people have the luck to live life that conscious of life's precarious nature? Well I do and it has made me feisty!

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Friday, January 6, 2017

New Year, New Me

2016 came with many challenges, for some the year was glorious, for many it was torturous. As you all have followed my torture, I failed to update you with the way the year ended.

I have had a frustrating journey from diagnosis of a tumor on my pituitary, symptoms mounting and a crew of Doctors that couldn't figure out what to do with me. While the symptoms said 'tumor on the pituitary' and the MRI showed a 'tumor on the pituitary', treatment was NOT that easy. They just do not want to mess with the brain if they can at all avoid it. A news flash for me since all of my TV and movie expertise left me thinking brain surgery was an everyday occurrence. That being said, I am now very familiar with protocol around the brain and the various specialists, Hollywood should really hire me to consult on movies and shows, they get a lot wrong.

I digress, the point is, it has been a painful, long, scary journey, so when one specialist suggested we try a trial of a drug that had a 50/50 chance of helping, I said HELL YES! When they said absolutely zero alcohol, I still said HELL YES! When they said, seriously, no wine...at all...for the entire 12 weeks. I still said HELL YES! And then the world ended. OK, the world didn't end, but it did seemed apocalyptic as friends and family frantically worried about my lack of wine intake. It was almost as if everyone thought I was the wine vampire and without wine, I would literally shrivel up and die.

As the 2nd week on this medication comes to an end, I haven't had a drop of alcohol and haven't missed it either. Truth is, I wasn't drinking that much for a while now, I just felt so ill I couldn't. The down side is that I still wake up with horrific headaches, nausea and body pain, which doesn't seem fair. BUT I am starting to see glimmers of positive results that encourage me to continue. I'm still no where near going out for a jog, but I woke up the other day happy, a 1st in a long long time.

2017 seemed to be like a magic switch. After a fun filled, alcohol free New Years Eve (I had no idea that sentence could exist prior to this experience), I optimistically looked to the future. That's when I got the results from my recent MRI.

A few days before NYE, I went in for a new MRI. My limbs had started to fall asleep intermittently throughout the day and a new type of headache was added to the mix. Now along with my regular, all day long headaches, I have a piercing stab that occurs at the right temple and rounds over the eyebrow and deep into the eye socket at the bridge of my nose. I was pretty sure the tumor had probably doubled in size and that this would be the solid proof that we needed to go in and get that sucker. I have battled the pain and agony of this for so long that I actually excitedly looked forward to brain surgery. 2016 was desperate times.

The MRI had been a pain in the ass just like everything else in 2016. The computer went down after 90% completion of the test resulting in me spending an additional 20 mins stuck in the tiny tube, cage mask clamped over my face and the same 5 John Denver songs playing on a never ending loop. It was the longest hour of my life. I hate John Denver.

On New Years Day, I looked forward to a year that would offer me a solution.

On New Years Day, I found out that "the tumor has infarcted (loss of blood supply), and partially necrossed (died) therefore decreasing is size and function". Also my football team, the Giants, won. It was a big day.

I'll give you a moment to let this information soak in.

I didn't even know what to do with this information. I sat, numb and bewildered. Just as strange was the appearance of this thing as its shrinkage. Just as confusing as well. Why do I still feel like crap? Do I keep taking these crazy meds? Will it disappear completely? Will it come back?

Not all of these questions can be answered, but I will stay on the medication, which is a cortisol inhibitor (which is what is actually causing these terrible symptoms) and in combination with the shrinking tumor, should result in a dramatic drop in cortisol and me feeling better. No surgery.

I'm afraid of getting my hopes up that I am "cured". Hope feels foreign to me. Until I feel myself again, I probably won't believe it. I'm also plagued with other new emotions. For the 1st time, I've felt angry. Angry that this happened, that my loved ones had to suffer through this, that I've had to experience this at all. But more than anything, I'm relieved. Relieved that my body will start to feel like my own soon. Relieved that I don't have to risk becoming blind during the surgery or die. Relieved that I get to have many more healthy years with my incredible family, with my heart and soul, my son. Relieved that this horror is coming to an end.

Now I need to find something GREAT to toast with for when I'm off the meds and can celebrate. Seems this New Year, really will be a new me.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!