Say it Like You Mean it

Earlier today I told my sister-in-law that I "hated" something. She responded "wow! Hate?", it gave me pause. My word choice was callous when it didn't need to be and my intent wasn't to offend or be forceful so why did I say I hated it? It made me think about how day to day chit chat, we are careless with words. Our lives flutter by LOVING something that we don't really love and HATING something that doesn't warrant such a strong emotion. So why do we do it? Are we all so busy that we can't be mindful? Of course this doesn't apply to running. I do HATE running. Or rather I LOVE HATING running.

In the particular instance where I was texting with my sister-in-law, I was in a hurry and responded flippantly. Even if I did truly hate the thing, do I really need to tell people that? It's like how people weigh in on what you plan to name your baby, unsolicited critics, not swaying you but certainly annoying you. And I definitely didn't NEED to say anything at all. So what's up? Why not keep the negative comments to yourself?

I can't help but wonder when we all started being so opinionated. You know, the I-can-say-anything-I-want-because-my-opinion-is-so-important kind of a way, not the it-is-an-important-cause kind of a way. It's the vomit on social media kind of way. Clearly I could get political here, but I will avoid the temptation, watch my words, something I want to start doing a lot more in casual talk. And it is the casual talk that is the root of what I am starting to scratch at, why do people say yes to meeting up or attending a party they have zero real intention of attending? Why do we say agreeable things just so people will like us? And by the same right, why do we say disagreeable things when they don't need to be said?

This ties in to my winemaker husband's New Years Resolution; always say YES. This is the second year he has done this and he has gotten better over time. He started saying YES to things, but would let us know loud and clear that while he said yes, he hated every moment of going to the ballet. But as he re-examined the quality of the yes (like the quality of my "hate") he began embracing the YES completely and it has been infectious.

Of course there hasn't been a recent blog that doesn't include the reminder that I had/ have a brain tumor, so I better stick in the obligatory "I am saying YES to everything" line, because I had the sh*t scared out of me with that process and better live life while I really can. So I have been trying to be a fully invested YES person since. I have more or less been good at it, traveling in Colombia for a full 2 months was definitely an exercise in it. However 'Hector Projector' over here told my husband he wasn't doing a very good job at his YES path because I could tell he wasn't loving the ballet, as if this attitude shift should have somehow altered his core personality. He, without skipping a beat, reminded me that it is apparent that I am not LOVING every second of each YES I step into. Clearly there is room to grow. But in my defense, who truly LOVES saying YES to caving in a pitch black, wild bird infested, waterfall diving freak fest? I did my best damn it!

So what the heck am I blabbing about? It's this; I think I need to morph my slack in verbal specifics in casual chit chat to mirror my YES philosophy. I don't plan to stop being sarcastic (that would be ridiculous and a loss for the rest of the world since my sarcasm is what brings happiness to those around me), but being more positive with my word choice, save 'hate' for when I really mean it, and say "yes" with my intent. Seems like we could all use this in our lives these days don't you think?

I'm starting now, right now. My husband asked if I'd like a glass of wine and I said "YES, I would LOVE one" and I meant every word with every molecule of my body.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com