The Valentine's Day Wine List You Actually Need

Let's face it, Valentine's Day is not friendly to most people, either you hold your significant other to an impossibly high standard that is a set-up to fail or you are single and it is suddenly glaringly obvious you are alone. No matter what your situation is, it is best to avoid the drama and take care of yourself. After all, if you don't love yourself, how can anyone else love you? And love is always shown in wine.

Valentine's Day Vivac Wine Pairings:

Vivac Chenin Blanc (wht) - to brighten your day, maybe even drink it in the morning?
buy Vivac Chenin Blanc now

Vivac Chardonnay (wht) - the creaminess will sooth your nerves as people post obnoxious photos of their Valentine's Day treats on social media.
buy Vivac Chardonnay now

Vivac Pinot Noir (red) - because gosh darn, you deserve it!
buy Vivac Pinot now

Vivac Cabernet Sauvignon (red) - you have to have your chocolate with wine don't you?
buy Vivac Cab now

Vivac Divino (red) - a wow wine to really impress yourself with. "oh self, you shouldn't have!"
buy Vivac Divino red blend now

Vivac Late Harvest Riesling (dessert) - pairing it with strawberries means it has no calories and the smaller bottle means you don't have to feel bad for drinking the whole thing by yourself.
buy Vivac Late Harvest now

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Feisty Feisty Feisty!

Welcome to 2017 and a very feisty me!

Going without wine can make people feisty. Maybe that's it? When I started on this new medication to assist the symptoms of my brain tumor, I knew I was agreeing to a sad road of zero wine for 12 weeks. For some that wouldn't seem like much, for me, one of the owners of a winery, that sounded like a death sentence.

6 weeks into the medication and I am starting to feel a little relief, more energy and my body is starting to return to a recognizable shape. Maybe the relief from the constant sickness has made me feisty?

Living without wine has been interesting, but not in the way I had thought. I hadn't been drinking all that much prior to starting the meds simply because most of the time I was too sick to have any, yet out of habit, I think of a glass of wine at the end of the day. Heading out to a special dinner, I think of the celebration wines to be opened. Every time I open my refrigerator I instinctively grab a bottle of wine. But I don't actually crave it. I miss it like an old friend I only now get to skype with, but my life has gone on fine without it. Maybe changing an ingrained habit has made me feisty?

WARNING: I am not recommending going without wine! As one of the owners of Vivac Winery, I have to take a moment to say, all people should be drinking wine because it reduces stress, is good for your heath and makes you smarter.  That last one might be my opinion, but you should regard my opinion as fact. 

What has been surprising is that zero booze doesn't mean zero hangover. I still wake up with a blistering headache and nausea every morning. Could headaches be making me feisty? I'm also surprised at people's reaction to me not drinking. It's as if I have checked into rehab. People are panicky and uncomfortable as if I may, in my lack of wine craze, freak out and slap their wine out of their hands and scream nonsense at them. I swear I don't do that. However, in my new feisty mood, I do think that would be really funny to do. I also find it interesting that people are sure that I could make an exception "just this once" yet I have liver failure as a possibility if I do...even I don't love wine THAT much! Maybe it is the reactions I'm getting from people that's making me feisty?

A final surprise has been the idea that I can't do my job without drinking. Scheduled meetings that find out I am not drinking offer to reschedule for a time after I can drink again. Family members have worried about how I would have to compensate for the lack of drinking. Funny thing is, other than my memory issues, due to my brain tumor, my wine knowledge is locked in my head and accessible to me even when I'm NOT drinking wine. I know it IS amazing. I'm probably part unicorn. Maybe that's why I'm so feisty, I have a unicorn horn growing out of my forehead?

Lots of people are also sure that the lack of booze is why my body is finally returning to a somewhat normal shape. But before the meds, I wasn't drinking much AND I was vomiting profusely. I managed to continue carrying the pregnancy belly, have a flattened pig face and gain weight uncontrollably. These are the symptoms of the illness and not body dysmorphia. It is a fact that that is what happened to my body, yet talking about it makes people so uncomfortable! I've never been told so much, how important it is to "love my body", as if noting changes and feeling good with the loss of symptoms that made me self conscious, unhappy and uncomfortable translates to hating my body. Maybe the frustration is making me feisty?

Needless to say, the feisty new me knows that life is too short and too unpredictable to be caught up in these things. I will have to watch this brain tumor for the rest of my life, and it is a gift. This past year, I had to learn to delegate, how to appreciate little wins and to focus on hugging and kissing those I love as much as possible. Because this thing could start growing again, I will always be forced to make choices based on the now. How many people have the luck to live life that conscious of life's precarious nature? Well I do and it has made me feisty!

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

New Year, New Me

2016 came with many challenges, for some the year was glorious, for many it was torturous. As you all have followed my torture, I failed to update you with the way the year ended.

I have had a frustrating journey from diagnosis of a tumor on my pituitary, symptoms mounting and a crew of Doctors that couldn't figure out what to do with me. While the symptoms said 'tumor on the pituitary' and the MRI showed a 'tumor on the pituitary', treatment was NOT that easy. They just do not want to mess with the brain if they can at all avoid it. A news flash for me since all of my TV and movie expertise left me thinking brain surgery was an everyday occurrence. That being said, I am now very familiar with protocol around the brain and the various specialists, Hollywood should really hire me to consult on movies and shows, they get a lot wrong.

I digress, the point is, it has been a painful, long, scary journey, so when one specialist suggested we try a trial of a drug that had a 50/50 chance of helping, I said HELL YES! When they said absolutely zero alcohol, I still said HELL YES! When they said, seriously, no wine...at all...for the entire 12 weeks. I still said HELL YES! And then the world ended. OK, the world didn't end, but it did seemed apocalyptic as friends and family frantically worried about my lack of wine intake. It was almost as if everyone thought I was the wine vampire and without wine, I would literally shrivel up and die.

As the 2nd week on this medication comes to an end, I haven't had a drop of alcohol and haven't missed it either. Truth is, I wasn't drinking that much for a while now, I just felt so ill I couldn't. The down side is that I still wake up with horrific headaches, nausea and body pain, which doesn't seem fair. BUT I am starting to see glimmers of positive results that encourage me to continue. I'm still no where near going out for a jog, but I woke up the other day happy, a 1st in a long long time.

2017 seemed to be like a magic switch. After a fun filled, alcohol free New Years Eve (I had no idea that sentence could exist prior to this experience), I optimistically looked to the future. That's when I got the results from my recent MRI.

A few days before NYE, I went in for a new MRI. My limbs had started to fall asleep intermittently throughout the day and a new type of headache was added to the mix. Now along with my regular, all day long headaches, I have a piercing stab that occurs at the right temple and rounds over the eyebrow and deep into the eye socket at the bridge of my nose. I was pretty sure the tumor had probably doubled in size and that this would be the solid proof that we needed to go in and get that sucker. I have battled the pain and agony of this for so long that I actually excitedly looked forward to brain surgery. 2016 was desperate times.

The MRI had been a pain in the ass just like everything else in 2016. The computer went down after 90% completion of the test resulting in me spending an additional 20 mins stuck in the tiny tube, cage mask clamped over my face and the same 5 John Denver songs playing on a never ending loop. It was the longest hour of my life. I hate John Denver.

On New Years Day, I looked forward to a year that would offer me a solution.

On New Years Day, I found out that "the tumor has infarcted (loss of blood supply), and partially necrossed (died) therefore decreasing is size and function". Also my football team, the Giants, won. It was a big day.

I'll give you a moment to let this information soak in.

I didn't even know what to do with this information. I sat, numb and bewildered. Just as strange was the appearance of this thing as its shrinkage. Just as confusing as well. Why do I still feel like crap? Do I keep taking these crazy meds? Will it disappear completely? Will it come back?

Not all of these questions can be answered, but I will stay on the medication, which is a cortisol inhibitor (which is what is actually causing these terrible symptoms) and in combination with the shrinking tumor, should result in a dramatic drop in cortisol and me feeling better. No surgery.

I'm afraid of getting my hopes up that I am "cured". Hope feels foreign to me. Until I feel myself again, I probably won't believe it. I'm also plagued with other new emotions. For the 1st time, I've felt angry. Angry that this happened, that my loved ones had to suffer through this, that I've had to experience this at all. But more than anything, I'm relieved. Relieved that my body will start to feel like my own soon. Relieved that I don't have to risk becoming blind during the surgery or die. Relieved that I get to have many more healthy years with my incredible family, with my heart and soul, my son. Relieved that this horror is coming to an end.

Now I need to find something GREAT to toast with for when I'm off the meds and can celebrate. Seems this New Year, really will be a new me.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!

Trial and Error

I think most of us can agree that 2016 was a train wreck of a year. It was filled with death and loss and fear and worry and pain and sadness. My health continues to hang in the balance, nothing significantly changing. But as we creep out of the darkness of the 2016 shadow, I have the tingling sensation of hope.

Hope is a scary concept. Each twist and turn that brings me to a new specialist or new test can tease me with a little hope, then smash me like a car crash with the reality. You see, the test results don't definitively show that brain surgery is the very best treatment. And they want to be 120% sure that is the only way to go. Makes sense. Brain surgery scares the shit out of me. Living the rest of my life like this however, is far scarier.

So what next? Well, you know that saying "trial and error"? Seems we will take that approach. We will do a trial run of a medication that is actually used to treat something completely different than what I have, but a SIDE EFFECT of said drug, is suppression of cortisol production (and that seems to be the asshole in my body making such a mess). If it works, and my symptoms are alleviated, then it will be the definitive proof that surgery needs to happen. If I don't get better or have an adverse reaction to the medication...we are back at square one. I am terrified to let myself give way to hope.

The increasing symptoms and my intense discomfort had me screaming YES to try this drug, even though it is really hard on the liver...and the thing I love most, wine, is hard on the liver...meaning no alcohol for the entire 12 weeks. Zero, zip, ziltch. For 12 weeks. I shall be blogging about this experience as I imagine I will have a great deal of complaining to do.

I'll be starting the meds after Christmas, allowing myself the enjoyment of a couple exceptional bottles of wine with family as we celebrate the end of this God forsaken year.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Running on Empty

I used to complain about the pain of running (fans of this blog remember that well), but now, as I live every day in constant pain, as I adjust to find that pain the norm, I wonder if when I am healthy again and return to running, will it hurt the same way or will I have shifted my threshold for pain and I will be a badass?

Most of you are probably stuck on the part where I said I'd return to running. Are your mouths hitting the floor? I know, it does sound crazy to take up the sport I have spent my 30's complaining about, but for some reason, it sounds appealing. Of course I am also on medication so maybe I'm not thinking clearly.

Speaking of medication...I am so happy to have found something that helps with my full body aches and monstrous nausea. I have a long list of other symptoms that drive me nuts as well, but those 2 are the stand outs that make getting out of bed unbelievably difficult. Even with the meds, it only reduces these little bastards to a dull roar. By 7:30pm it is at the unbearable level and I need to take something strong enough to help me sleep a little. When you see me out and about, looking "normal", it is thanks to a mega dose of meds. As those wear off, I crumble. If I over due one day, I pay the price over the next few. I cancel plans all the time because the act of "I'm ok" is too much.

But all that is depressing as shit! Let's get to the fun part...pot! Yep, the miracle meds are medical marijuana. You have heard about it in the news, know it is legal in some states, wondered about this booming industry, but may not REALLY be familiar with it. Well it is amazing. Did you know that you can get a version that doesn't make you high? I did not know this, but I also never really explored the substance.  This incredible plant combats nausea and pain better than any other drug out there and makes me appear "normal". Having my Medical Marijuana card is allowing me to still work, still be a mom, still be a wife.

So as we return to the conversation of running in the future, as we fantasize that it will be a new and different experience, you may ask yourself "what is she thinking? Is she high?" and the answer is yes.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!

10 Reasons to Binge on Candy & Wine Today

10 reasons you should get to binge eat candy & drink as much wine as you want on Halloween:

1) Do you have kids? Are there kids that live near you? Do you know someone that has kids that you will have to talk to today? ALL children are spastic on Halloween. They can't believe they get to dress up and the promise of a giant bag of candy has created little gremlins. You NEED candy and wine to dull the roaring headache caused by their screaming.

2) You have to work today. It's a Monday and you are an adult...with adulting to do. Now if that doesn't crush the spirit of the little kid living deep inside you, then you are already dead. Either way, you need copious amounts of candy and wine to handle this depressing day.

3) You probably celebrated Halloween over the weekend and are now severely hung over...obviously the only way to right this wrong is more wine and candy.

4) You DIDN'T celebrate this weekend, nor do you plan to dress up or attend any festivities today. In fact you plan on pretending you are not at home while children incessantly ring your doorbell trick or treating. This depressing fact has earned you a private bowl of candy and a bottle of wine all to yourself.

5) You're partner is obnoxiously into Halloween and you have been forced to talk about/ think about/ plan your costumes while decorating your house to look like a Halloween theme park attraction. The fun unseen aspect to this is that the real cobwebs look like the fake ones you decorated with so now you live in actual filth and it isn't funny. You sooooo deserve to over indulge today just to celebrate the end of the torture.

6) You ARE the insane partner obsessed with Halloween and this is the blow out day! It is also a little sad, because your favorite holiday is over and you have to take down all the decorations...soon...soon-ish. You need to medicate with wine and candy to deal with this depressing idea.

7) You have watched far too many horror movies in lead up to today and your anxiety is sky high. Every time you blink or try to sleep, you picture a combination of horrible characters lurking under your bed or behind the door. You seriously need the wine and candy to calm the hell down!

8) You spent your pay check on the over the top costume you invented only to not win the costume contest and realize that tomorrow, that sequined bustier or killer mask you paid a small fortune for is on sale for $.99 and you have no groceries...except for the Halloween candy and left over wine from the weekend parties. There is clearly a solution for tonight's dinner and it isn't that you try to eat the mask.

9) Tomorrow is Day of the Dead! You need to prime your liver for the party tomorrow. No you are probably not going to visit the graves of those who have passed away, but you know they would want you to be warm in your cozy house and drink extra wine for them tomorrow. One has to prepare for this kind of self sacrifice.

10) You absolutely HAVE to eat candy in a manic shovel-it-in sort of a way while washing it down with gulps of wine because there are real people dressing like clowns, wielding sharp weapons and chasing people!!! Don't you watch the news? It is a scary as shit place out there these days and the combination of heavy wine mixed with the intense sugar high is just the combo needed to be relaxed enough to leave the house and alert enough to fight for your life should you encounter a psycho clown.

Halloween Pairings: Vivac Chardonnay with candy corn, Vivac Rose with red licorice, Vivac Tempranillo with peanut butter cups, Vivac Cabernet with snickers, Vivac Club Select red wine blend with milk-duds.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Treading Water

Treading water might be a good workout, but it is exhausting. I've been treading water for months now as my health continues to be compromised and getting worse. I'm past frustration, I'm now at surviving.

So what are the facts? I have a long list of symptoms that all point to a tumor on my pituitary. We have MRI images of a tumor on my pituitary. So lets take that sucker out right? Wrong. My blood tests are all over the place so the Doctor's are not willing to do a surgery that while it is "the easiest of brain surgeries", it has very real risks. Until they have 110% positive proof that that is the only way to handle this, we just keep testing. I'm surprised I have any blood left in my body. In the mean time my symptoms that used to kick into full gear after I exerted myself, are now everyday requiring CBD tincture to keep the violent vomiting at bay. If I now exert myself, I am restricted to bed with crushing pain and cancer patient style vomiting.

(side note, cannabis is an amazing plant that is saving me, the fact that they can separate out the THC so I can take the CBD all day is incredible)

I have resisted writing an update because I have become sour. I'm officially the "if you don't have something nice to say, come sit next to me" person. Chronic pain can do that to you. Of course you will have to find me 1st, the other part of this is that the effort to put on the mask of 'everything is ok' is too much sometimes and I'd rather be a recluse. Just give me a glass of wine and a movie please!

I did manage to go on our Annual Gourmet Wine Raft Trip down the Rio Chama. I couldn't imagine a float trip being that hard on me especially with the incredible guides at New Mexico River Adventures who take impeccable care of you, waiting on you hand and foot and the phenomenal 4 course dinners each night by Chef Rocky Durham are paired with all of our delicious wines...I mean it is almost like I HAD to go for my health! But by day 3 and the final stretch home, it was unbearable. My mask was non-existent and I was afraid my weak body, crippled in pain and nausea would topple over into the river where I would literally be treading water. Luckily I stayed in the boat, but I haven't been the same since.

On the up side, the trip was filled with people that start out as strangers and end up best friends. It really is unlike any other trip n the world. On the down side, I spent the days following vomiting uncontrollably, shaking and scaring the crap out of my family. We start therapy for my 10 year old this week.

I'd like to be able to make jokes like I usually do, sound like I'm staying positive, but I'm afraid I actually could die from this before they figure out how to help me.

If I do die, please bury me with a bottle of wine.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com