Treading Water

Treading water might be a good workout, but it is exhausting. I've been treading water for months now as my health continues to be compromised and getting worse. I'm past frustration, I'm now at surviving.

So what are the facts? I have a long list of symptoms that all point to a tumor on my pituitary. We have MRI images of a tumor on my pituitary. So lets take that sucker out right? Wrong. My blood tests are all over the place so the Doctor's are not willing to do a surgery that while it is "the easiest of brain surgeries", it has very real risks. Until they have 110% positive proof that that is the only way to handle this, we just keep testing. I'm surprised I have any blood left in my body. In the mean time my symptoms that used to kick into full gear after I exerted myself, are now everyday requiring CBD tincture to keep the violent vomiting at bay. If I now exert myself, I am restricted to bed with crushing pain and cancer patient style vomiting.

(side note, cannabis is an amazing plant that is saving me, the fact that they can separate out the THC so I can take the CBD all day is incredible)

I have resisted writing an update because I have become sour. I'm officially the "if you don't have something nice to say, come sit next to me" person. Chronic pain can do that to you. Of course you will have to find me 1st, the other part of this is that the effort to put on the mask of 'everything is ok' is too much sometimes and I'd rather be a recluse. Just give me a glass of wine and a movie please!

I did manage to go on our Annual Gourmet Wine Raft Trip down the Rio Chama. I couldn't imagine a float trip being that hard on me especially with the incredible guides at New Mexico River Adventures who take impeccable care of you, waiting on you hand and foot and the phenomenal 4 course dinners each night by Chef Rocky Durham are paired with all of our delicious wines...I mean it is almost like I HAD to go for my health! But by day 3 and the final stretch home, it was unbearable. My mask was non-existent and I was afraid my weak body, crippled in pain and nausea would topple over into the river where I would literally be treading water. Luckily I stayed in the boat, but I haven't been the same since.

On the up side, the trip was filled with people that start out as strangers and end up best friends. It really is unlike any other trip n the world. On the down side, I spent the days following vomiting uncontrollably, shaking and scaring the crap out of my family. We start therapy for my 10 year old this week.

I'd like to be able to make jokes like I usually do, sound like I'm staying positive, but I'm afraid I actually could die from this before they figure out how to help me.

If I do die, please bury me with a bottle of wine.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com