Breaking Bad

My last post claimed I would stop "bashing" running. So I stopped posting.

I tried to write happy posts, focus on the things I like or enjoy about running. Every blog sucked.

Then I realized that people read blogs because they are real. They are absolutely honest. If you wanted a glossy editorial you'd be reading Runner's World...which you should also read because it is a great magazine. But what I do is share my experience of running...the good, the bad, and the ugly. It seems I have a whole lot more ugly than most people, but that doesn't mean it is bashing. In fact, maybe running is the one bashing me!

Anyway, I have decided to take a look at my relationship with running (again!), my deep resistance to it. What is my damn problem? Maybe it is lack of habit, maybe it is that I think I should run at the pace I ran when I was in shape and now I'm a lazy beast running a full 2 minutes/ mile slower...and it still hurts! Maybe I have allowed myself to adopt the idea that running equals pain, there for it is pain. Maybe I like to hate running?

Obviously I haven't figured much out or I would have started the blog off with an all caps declaration and not this blathering complaining. I did started reevaluating though and it started with my long run last week. 8 super slow miles on my regular route. All and all it wasn't that bad. Then I got home and the mistake of taking the wrong supplements prior to my run caught up with me and intense nausea hit. For the 1/2 hour before I realized my error, I laid on the floor and swore that running would be the death of me. My hubby took that opportunity to share that pain can be all in our head. Thanks honey.

Of course, as always, he did have a point. Given that was bad timing, but so much of what we tell ourselves manifests into actual physical pain. Our thoughts effect our will power and it is fact that training the mind can drastically change your life by making even small things habit. Definitely food for thought. If I stop saying "this is going to hurt" before each run...will it in fact still hurt?

As if on cue, the podcast my hubby/ coach listens to called The Art of Charm welcomed my Monday run. An episode about a device that breaks bad habits called "pavlok"chimed in my ears as I somewhat depressingly jogged 3 miles. The concept is that this thing actually shocks you should you not show up to the gym on time or go on your run (or it shocks you if you smoke a cigarette when you are trying to quit). The marketing guy for the device was a true salesmen and quickly had me mentally bookmarking the site so I could get mine. Nothing like pairing a painful activity with a painful reminder...sounds right up my alley. My lack of excitement in combination with the idea of this shut-up-and-do-it device challenged me yet again. Why AM I running? What the hell am I doing out here on the side of the road other than perfecting my farmer's blow?! (for those of you unfamiliar with this lady like activity, it is when you blow snot out one side of your nose while running...with no tissue)

I know you are all waiting for me to be funny or close with an insightful message, but I have nothing for you. I haven't figured out the key to 'happy running' or even why I keep doing this to myself. But I did meditate for 5 minutes prior to running today and low and behold, I was able to detach from the pain. It isn't that I was unaware of the stiff muscles or that it suddenly felt good, but I didn't attach meaning to those sensations. Maybe I can actually break the habit of hating running. Maybe.

Maybe I just need a glass of wine.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com