Paradigm Shift

I sit with a rich cup of hot coffee in my hand, the kerrygold butter melting into the black pool. It is cold outside. I can feel the cold air pushing against me as I look out our large picture window; my warm little house is cuddled around me. I am at peace and filled with the most incredible gratitude for the incredible things in my life. This is why I run.

When you train and push your body, mind and soul, past their comfort zones, you reach a place that triggers pure enjoyment of the little things around you. It is fact that we crave the highs and lows of experiences no matter what your life looks like. Your mind finds a way of becoming numb to that around you. Your comfort zone swallows it up and in order to feel again, appreciate anything, you have to break free. Running can do that for you. The extreme task of beating your body down pulls your mind into sharp focus for being in the moment. Once your comfort zone shifts, your paradigm shifts too.

For me, my life, which is a pretty idyllic one at that, becomes void. I concentrate on the irritating things like slow traffic or not getting enough done on my to do list, instead of enjoying all that I have. Do you find yourself doing this? Seeing the things that slow you down rather than slowing down to see the things that are incredible around you?

Yesterday was my long run, 10 miles, and commenced a heavy mileage week and significant bump in training. This is how it works, you bump up the entire week's milage and steadily wear yourself down...while actually building endurance, it sounds crazy (and lets face it, it totally is), but it works. Today I had a recovery run. Today, I ran on legs of lead and like a sudden spark of fire, it clicked. I broke the bubble of my comfort zone.

And now, I sit in my perfect little house, with my perfect cup of coffee, staring out at the most beautiful frost crystallized perfect tree and I breath in the moment.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

The Only Fear, is Fear Itself

I am trying like Hell to make this running thing work. At the same time I question myself every single second. The two seem to be battling and it is driving me insane! I feel this deep urge to run, to train, to push myself to new limits, yet my mind finds so many reasons to say NO!

As if the Universe was trying to tell me something, I heard yet another great podcast from our friends at The Art of Charm. This podcast started as an interview with immigrant entrepreneurs and shifted to a stunning focus on our own fears that are masking our intuition. They described a magic on the other side of that wall of FEAR we have created. They explained that fear is really your mind protecting you from what it perceives as a threat to your safety but in actuality is your intuition trying to give you the life you really want...yet you are sabotaging it. I was floored.

What a concept right? YOU are putting up a wall of fear to keep yourself from doing what could make your life amazing! They suggested that you name 5 big things that you are scared to do and go do them. They urged that not only would you have the life you always wanted but that you would be an entirely new person. I have to admit, I was very intrigued. I went home and made my list.

As I sat looking at my list, I realized these things are not that wild or outrageous, but they are intimate fears...or I should say I have a lot of fear around the idea of doing these things. I'm not ready to share ALL 5 of my fears with the world, but guess what one of them was? Yep, long distance running.

As a child, I was a ballerina. I loved ballet with my entire heart and soul and I was good at it too. At a breathtakingly young age I was dancing on point (those unfamiliar with the term, it refers to the fancy toe shoes that allow a dancer to dance on her tippy toes...it is totally badass) and planning my career. Life threw me a curve ball and long story short, I quit dancing. It was complicated why, it involved a move to a new state and a huge ego (my own). Anyway, it continues to be my one real regret. When I started running, there was something that clicked in the back of my head that said 'this is similar to the dedication it takes to be a dancer, you can do this' and yet, it isn't out of love for the sport that I run. It is almost like it is so I can prove something to myself, I'm not a quitter. I can see myself through the pain and accomplish these insane goals...as if seeing this through will give me redemption for a lost dream of long ago.

I know that this doesn't make sense. I know logically I can not erase choices I have made in my past. I know that there is no race that will fill the void I allow to reside in my chest; that constant nagging that tells me I screwed up. But I think I am seeing it for the 1st time and THAT is progress. Maybe I was suppose to be a ballerina, maybe I wasn't. Maybe that wasn't my one thing. Maybe, if I stop sabotaging myself I could see that I have the ability to be an athlete in many forms.

I almost didn't run today, I sat and let fear creep into the base of my skull and the excuses bubble up. I tend to let my mind wander from the training run that is in-front of me to the end goal and I scare the crap out of myself by saying "whoa, how can you run 28+ miles when you can't even get out the door for 5!" then, I looked at my list of 5 fears and realized that I don't want to live in fear any longer. I want to own my life, I want to truly live my life. I want to forgive myself.

I went for my run.

It was beautiful.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Happiness

OK peeps, I have a time crunch going on today. Urgent Holiday celebration activities to be had with the kiddo. So instead of my normal droning on about pain and anguish, I am actually giving you all homework!

Today on my long run, which is actually a "repair" week so a lite 5 miler, I listened to another Art of Charm podcast and was blown away by it. It was about Happiness and how it influences success. It is an interview with Shawn Achor who has a book and shows and a TED Talk and backs his theories with scientific data so no woowoo stuff here which is maybe why I was able to hear it more clearly than some of the other approaches people have taken when talking about Happiness.  This one is pure gold. This is your homework...you MUST listen to it! Here is the link, scroll down the page to find the episode I'm talking about:

http://theartofcharmpodcast.com/2014/11/24/shawn-achor-happiness-advantage-episode-344/

Maybe it was the strange fog that we woke up to that made the run today mysteriously beautiful, or the smell of damp earth that buoyed my senses, it could be that it is a "rest week", but it was probably this incredible podcast that made me excited to be running. OR...maybe someone slipped crack in my coffee this morning.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Breaking Bad

My last post claimed I would stop "bashing" running. So I stopped posting.

I tried to write happy posts, focus on the things I like or enjoy about running. Every blog sucked.

Then I realized that people read blogs because they are real. They are absolutely honest. If you wanted a glossy editorial you'd be reading Runner's World...which you should also read because it is a great magazine. But what I do is share my experience of running...the good, the bad, and the ugly. It seems I have a whole lot more ugly than most people, but that doesn't mean it is bashing. In fact, maybe running is the one bashing me!

Anyway, I have decided to take a look at my relationship with running (again!), my deep resistance to it. What is my damn problem? Maybe it is lack of habit, maybe it is that I think I should run at the pace I ran when I was in shape and now I'm a lazy beast running a full 2 minutes/ mile slower...and it still hurts! Maybe I have allowed myself to adopt the idea that running equals pain, there for it is pain. Maybe I like to hate running?

Obviously I haven't figured much out or I would have started the blog off with an all caps declaration and not this blathering complaining. I did started reevaluating though and it started with my long run last week. 8 super slow miles on my regular route. All and all it wasn't that bad. Then I got home and the mistake of taking the wrong supplements prior to my run caught up with me and intense nausea hit. For the 1/2 hour before I realized my error, I laid on the floor and swore that running would be the death of me. My hubby took that opportunity to share that pain can be all in our head. Thanks honey.

Of course, as always, he did have a point. Given that was bad timing, but so much of what we tell ourselves manifests into actual physical pain. Our thoughts effect our will power and it is fact that training the mind can drastically change your life by making even small things habit. Definitely food for thought. If I stop saying "this is going to hurt" before each run...will it in fact still hurt?

As if on cue, the podcast my hubby/ coach listens to called The Art of Charm welcomed my Monday run. An episode about a device that breaks bad habits called "pavlok"chimed in my ears as I somewhat depressingly jogged 3 miles. The concept is that this thing actually shocks you should you not show up to the gym on time or go on your run (or it shocks you if you smoke a cigarette when you are trying to quit). The marketing guy for the device was a true salesmen and quickly had me mentally bookmarking the site so I could get mine. Nothing like pairing a painful activity with a painful reminder...sounds right up my alley. My lack of excitement in combination with the idea of this shut-up-and-do-it device challenged me yet again. Why AM I running? What the hell am I doing out here on the side of the road other than perfecting my farmer's blow?! (for those of you unfamiliar with this lady like activity, it is when you blow snot out one side of your nose while running...with no tissue)

I know you are all waiting for me to be funny or close with an insightful message, but I have nothing for you. I haven't figured out the key to 'happy running' or even why I keep doing this to myself. But I did meditate for 5 minutes prior to running today and low and behold, I was able to detach from the pain. It isn't that I was unaware of the stiff muscles or that it suddenly felt good, but I didn't attach meaning to those sensations. Maybe I can actually break the habit of hating running. Maybe.

Maybe I just need a glass of wine.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com