Forgive yet another long absence.
I last left you with a running breakthrough and a new mental clarity. It felt good! I ran my long run with my husband on a trail I hate, but made it home well enough. I might as well admit that since my Ultra Runner hubby hasn't been running much lately and I had been, I felt the need to hang tough and show my strength. He of course is a pillar of strength and while he said it was difficult to keep up and finish, you never would have guessed it. He never complains or slows down. He is like a machine put on auto pilot. In truth, it scares me to run with him anymore, I push myself harder than I should and then feel utterly pathetic as I whine and literally moan toward the end of our runs. It has to be not only difficult for him to keep his own personal moral, but sooooo annoying to listen to.
Needless to say, I finished the run...and in order to impress him, tried to suppress my nausea. I am pretty use to the sensation of wanting to vomit after a run, you'd even say I was a pro. The gut twisting knot in the stomach, the beads of sweat that form on the forehead, the clammy skin that you know is a ghostly shade of white...ya, no problem, I got that covered. I can do all my stretches right through that. But THIS...this was different. This nausea started slow, as a sea that senses the storm far before it has hit and the waves are just getting bigger, rising and falling in my throat. Over the evening the nausea increased and the back of my head began to pound. Finally I had to surrender and swoon "I don't feel good". Damn it, I almost showed him how badass I was!
I think because my hubby hears me say "I don't feel well" so often, he no longer actually attaches that to any real importance...it is simply my state of being. He kindly helped me to bed and mumbled something about the stomach bug going around. I quickly agreed. It couldn't be the run.
Reality set in after a couple days of having recurring concussion symptoms and finally asking all of my medical experts as well as doing a complete Google search (I know, the worst thing to do is be on the computer, but I am compulsive and had to know all the facts) that I had in fact pushed it too soon and given myself a set back. I knew after my fall that the concussion would take time, I took time off! I did as I was told and started back at running slowly. I really thought I had done it right. Now I am forced to take MORE time off. I am beyond frustrated. My 1st Ultra is slipping away.
This concussion has been a gift in some ways. It has taught me to slow down, get off my phone/ computer/ device and BE. It has given me the clarity to back off work and my compulsive behavior...mostly because I can't remember what the hell I was going to do, the memory issues that go along with this are somewhere between hysterical and horrifying. Maybe just as I had that breakthrough with wrapping my mind around running, this was the slap in the face (or smack to the back of the head as it were) that I needed to wake up and look at how I have been living my life.
My 1st Ultra might not happen this Spring as planned, but I will start back slowly, plug away at an easy pace and enjoy the scenery. Sounds like a great way to live life and to run don't you think?
-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com
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