Seeing God

It has taken me over a week to write a new blog post. The 'Gas Line' run tore me down to my core and while I managed to choke back the tears that day, my emotional fragility lasted for 3 days. For 3 days after that run I couldn't talk about the run. Hot tears would stream down my cheeks and I would manage to say "it was hard". On day 3, I saw God on a treadmill in an Albuquerque hotel.

I don't know how to explain what it feels like to break your body down to the point that you have only the base elements of who you are left...what you are really made of. What ARE you capable of? You don't really know until you are there, truly broken and pushing.

Running painfully slow on the treadmill in an Albuquerque hotel, starring at a blank wall, willing myself to keep my feet moving, I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of awe. The wonder of my undeniable commitment to push myself and it sounds silly, but it was a glimmer of God (or whatever name you want to use). I suddenly realized on a whole new level the infinite beauty of the human body and what we are capable of. I thought of the intense wonder of the universe and the devastatingly gorgeous photos of a birth of a star that my 7 year old son loves. My son will look at these images and say "you know we all are made of star dust" and while this is scientifically true it is also a poetically beautiful statement that makes us all very interconnected. As my pain stricken legs continued to push forward on the treadmill my sense of awe warmed into a sense of deep love for everything in my life. I thought about looking into my child's eyes and the amazing person he is and that he came from me, I made this person, this person that has his own unique intense gifts. I know this sounds totally and completely crazy and lets face it, it feels that way too, but I am currently in a process that is unlike anything else I have ever experienced up to this point in my life and I'm just not sure how to explain it.

Now all the heavily religious people out there, please don't get the wrong idea, I'm not going to join you at church, I am still the muddle of religious backgrounds married to an Atheist.

With the lingering awe of a crazy lady, I some how thought witnessing this insight would bring me comfort on the next brutally horrible run. Turns out it doesn't matter how much understanding or appreciation you have...you still have to get your ass through the run without dying.


Friday my coach made me run 4 miles to a steep hill and do "hill repeats". What are hill repeats? Well it is what it sounds like...only worse. At the very steepest part of the hill, you are forced to run as hard and fast as you can (with correct form: on the balls of your feet with knees high) for 45 seconds. 45 seconds doesn't sound that long until you are sure you are going to die. Then you do it again, and again. I do not have the words to describe what the pain of going full out up a hill feels like, but I can tell you that I am VERY familiar with the sensation of keeping vomit at the back of my throat. After this fun torture, you just run the 4 miles back home! The run home was slow, painful and full of self doubt. What the hell am I doing out here?

If God is on the treadmill, the Devil is on the road.

Today, was a recovery run. I feel like my legs were secretly borrowed by someone that ran a Marathon and hung the sorry used legs in a closet and I accidentally put them on. They feel entirely unfamiliar. In addition to the pain, this training is not what I thought, not only am I not getting faster, I am actually going the other way and running slower! Not only do the long runs hurt, but the short runs are devastating. My legs hurt all the time and the grit it takes to not cry and scream and throw things is pushing me to my limit. I am either going to become a Saint from this, or end up in the looney bin.

Today I am grateful to have my stupid, horrible run over with and I pour myself a glass of wine and let the hot tears fall into it. Each tear splashing into the glass, a silent prayer that I twist my ankle and can quit running.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Can You Say Steep?

Where do I start with this run.

As we got our young son ready for school this morning, my coach and loving husband asked "hills or sprints?". I hadn't even had my coffee and he was already excitedly asking how I wanted him to torture me on my long training run that day. I ignored him and hoped I could hide in my coffee cup.

Ignoring coach didn't work, he pestered me until finally he just decided on his own and announced "we will be running the 'gas line' road". I knew I was in for it when I heard this as I have heard my hubby and his brother discuss this run and its brutality. I should have picked sprints.

After a couple mile warm up along my usual route, we turned and ran up an arroyo. For those of you not familiar with these dried up old river beds, they are either rocky or deep sand...think the beach...and you are running in it. Oh wait, you probably pictured the hard packed sand at the waters edge when I said 'beach', but what I mean is the deep swollow-you-up sand that you trudge through to get to that awesome place at the beach. It is not fun to run in the sand. Coach says it strengthens your stabilizing muscles. Evidently this is a strength run.

After about a mile, the course changed to rolling hills, an old service road. The hills continued to increase in size and I was alerted to the fact that there would be 3 horrible hills...with each rolling hill I asked if that was one of the horrible ones, coach said I would know it when I saw it. Hmmm...I asked because I thought I had seen it.

Hill 1. Now there are hills and then there are HILLS. As we approached the little bastard, coach informed me that I wouldn't simply attempt to run up the thing, but that I would do it on the balls of my feet and with high knees. What the hell? Now that is a work out. After that I was happy for the rolling hills and then we hit Hill 2.

Hill 2. The burn in my thighs was still singing from Hill 1 when we hit Hill 2. This thing was a beast! Steeper and longer than the 1st, this hill required me to focus on my balance simply so I didn't fall backwards off the damn mountain! At one point I thought I might need to find hand holds and looked at a big rock considering grabbing onto it. Then I fantasized about taking that rock and smashing it into my head so I could get out of doing this run. At the top I tried to catch my breath, my thighs now SCREAMING, but there was no stopping, just the reprieve of more rolling hills.

Hill 3. Do you know that feeling of doom? Maybe the sense one feels before they are attacked by a shark, they see it coming, they know it is going to be horrible, but there is no way out...ya, that is how I felt. This Hill was the longest of the 3 and might possibly be taller than Everest. I dug deep and worked really really hard to not complain. I may need to remind you that I have promised to stop complaining ON the runs. Today I felt like I was working a Buddhist path to Enlightenment, it was a deep down soul wrenching experience to NOT complain! Mid way up the horrible horribleness, coach reminded me to pick up my knees. May I remind you AGAIN just how hard it was NOT to complain?

At the top I was allowed to stop and try to stand on my now shaking legs. I might mention the beautiful view or the incredible green of the cottonwood trees that we were now high above...but I hated the world at that point. Now, I had to run down these hills...and my legs were absolute jello.

As we hit the road and my old running route once again, I realized that the run home was going to be difficult. My legs were mush...burning mush and my heart was pounding from the effort to propel my body forward. It took forever to complete those miles. I ceased talking or responding to my husband's chipper observations of our charming town. I pulled every ounce of willpower out to keep myself from crying. I mean really? I thought I was over the running-makes-me-cry thing! Obviously not.

At home, my thighs tingled and felt like they had a scorching sunburn from the effort they had just put out. It took me nearly an hour to stop feeling like I wanted to weep. Now that I type that, I kinda want to cry again.

I never complained.

Thank God for this blog so I can let it all out! Now for some very very well earned Fueling. I may have to drink my wine straight from the bottle because I can't fathom getting up to get a glass.
 
-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Fear and Loathing

As of May 5th, my new training began. It seems appropriate that this grueling training for a full Marathon this fall would start on a day known for massive drinking don't you think? Ironically, due to my trip to Las Vegas for a Bachelorette party the weekend prior, I literally could not drink...or run...in fact I came back only half human. So my training was delayed a couple days. Not really the way you want to kick off a new schedule.

The new training would be worse than usual, as promised by my "coach" and Dr. Jack (see blog post "This is Jacked"). You see, I want to get my speed down for this new race. Yes, after running only one other full Marathon in my life, I am already obsessing over the time I made and what I want it to be. What can I say, running actually makes you crazy. So how does one do this? By intense speed workouts and some serious grit. I don't know if I possess enough grit to make this to happen, but here we go.

Once my training did kick into gear, my loving husband donned his coaches hat and took me out on a "short" 4.5 mile run...with strides as the kicker. What are strides you ask? Oh simply a way for running (which is already so much fun) to become a medieval torture device.  After warming up for a couple miles, you are subjected to phased sprints. After a rest (oh no you don't get to STOP running, you just slow your running pace), you do it again...and again...and again...until you die. OK so I didn't die, but it was crazy hard. As a side note, I have promised to stop complaining so much ON the runs...I didn't make any promises about the blog.

The next day was the recovery run. Recovery my ass! "Coach" took me out for a 3 mile run that included very steep hill repeats! When I started to whine about the "recovery day" he said 'Hey, it is only 3 miles, this IS recovery', I don't think I like this new training.

On Mother's Day, much to the dismay of my young son, I headed out on a "quick run". "Don't make her run on MOTHER'S DAY!" he wailed. Our son thinks my husband is mean for making me run. I think he is right. I had no idea that "quick" was going to be so literal. As we headed out at a fast clip, I assumed I would hit my normal pace, after all it seems my body only has one speed...slow. But as we hit the 1st mile, my husband sputtered in excitement, cheering and literally jumping into the air. I had just broke a 9 minute mile. Now for a lot of you out there, that isn't that fast, but for me, that was HUGE. It is like someone that has never sang a note in their life, to walk onto American Idol and just win. No, I am not exaggerating. Well, as you can imagine, the excitement of such a huge moment and the pride on my coach's face, spurred me on and I attempted to keep the ridiculous pace. I thought to myself how amazing it was going to be to run 26.2 miles of the Marathon this ferociously. I thought about how after only a couple speed workouts, I was rockin it! Then as I neared the end of the 3 mile run...literally a few yards from my driveway, I uttered the word "ouch" and then spent several minutes dry heaving. Had I had anything in my system, I believe the vomit scene there on the side of the road, would have mimicked the cherry pit scene from "The Witches of Eastwick".

I haven't thrown up due to running since I was in high school at soccer practice.  I think I am too old for this.

So today, it snowed, my neck is frozen stiff (probably from the full body retching) and I am terrified to run. Who knew that I could take running to a whole new level of pain? It is very clear that running a few miles fast is very, very different than running long distances at that same pace. It is also very clear that this goal is totally insane. I may need to start "Fueling" in the morning just so I have the courage to face that day's run.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.vivacwinery.com

Somm Running

I would like to start with a comparison of running to wine: both require dedication to Master, both require hard work to really understand, both are incredibly rewarding. And as I come to find out, both can be instantly ruined if your introduction is a douche that is totally arrogant about either subject.

As a woman in the wine industry, the male arrogance dominates. This is a tight industry to wiggle your way into...even though statistically women tend to be better wine tasters. There is a lot of pride and a feeling of superiority in the wine business which is why people are often intimidated by wine and its wine professionals, I am passionate about changing this. As I have studied and worked my way up the Sommelier ladder, I have tried to express my LOVE of wine, I love its intricacies and subtleties and allure. I love the way it is made, I love the way the grapes are grown, I love the history and the pure delight of drinking it. So when I teach wine classes, I teach 'wine appreciation'. I want my students to leave excited and a little more in love with wine than when they came in. If they also have some knowledge and trivia in their back pocket, great! Perhaps this is why the movie "Somm" really pissed me off. It was as if the entire movie was geared toward the Fraternity guy of America. Not that I have anything against Frat guys, I was in a sorority myself, but each character in the film oozed an all too familiar arrogance that I had hoped the wine industry was moving away from. I also noticed that the woman in the group who obviously studied with the main characters and was at the test, was never allowed to say anything and it was if they TRIED to cut her out of frame. There were also tons of inaccurate information and techniques that made my winemaker husband and I groan with irritation. Don't get me wrong, any way we can get people to pay attention to wine helps our industry and in turn us and our winery. I simply wish this was more of a movie about how accessible wine is to EVERYONE, not just the elite.

To clarify, I am not yet a Master Somm. I am also not working my way through the Court of Master Sommeliers that is depicted in the movie "Somm". My education is via the International Wine Guild in Denver and is a very very rigorous program. For example, my Executive test looked just like the Master Somm test from the movie. I have taken many Master level intensives to prepare for my Master level test, however through the International Wine Guild, we are expected to specialize in 5 countries and work in each one for a minimum of 2 weeks. With a growing winery of our own and a child, these requirements come slowly. Court of Master Sommeliers fans don't get your panties in a bunch, I am not saying one is better than the other, simply that they are different and I have worked hard to earn my stripes.

Man, that was a tangent! So back to running and wine. Running can have the arrogant pros too and they really put newbies off. What a shame right? Just as you are putting your fearful toe in the water, you encounter a douche and decide running (or wine) is not for you.

So, as you all venture into the world of wine and running, know that there are supportive people out there willing to encourage you along the way. Some of us are simply trying to Master the pain that running presents and the beautiful relief that wine offers. After all, we are "Fueled by Vivac".

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Marathon Vegas Style

I am sorry to have disappeared, what can I say, after the victory of a PR and signing up for a new Marathon...I decided to celebrate in true Marathon fashion in Vegas...with a Bachelorette party. For those of you not familiar with Vegas, it is much more than a land of gambling. Vegas does everything and in absolute extreme...shopping, fine dinning, shows, spas, amazing pools and even incredible museums. Of course there is also the stuff you do expect...gambling, strippers and crazy clubs. So when you want to go to Vegas there is a lot to choose from, when you go in Marathon fashion...you do it all.

So as you can imagine, this trip was more "Fueling" than running. I actually did consider taking my running stuff, but as the Bride-to-be pointed out, I would either be suffering from the shakes from the night of heavy drinking or still too intoxicated to run...either option was dangerous, I agreed and packed a 3rd pair of heels instead. Anyway, walking the immense casinos to get from the shopping to the clubs in high heels IS a work out.

The weekend proved to be everything you'd want and expect from Vegas, but has made it incredibly difficult to start training. I will need great inspiration to get back on track this week...either that or a glass of wine to ponder the essence of it.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com