She's Been a Bad Bad Girl

I feel like a complete loser.  I started a diet, was off to a grand start and then I seriously dropped the ball.

My son had a camp-out so my husband and I had one of those stay-up-talking-all-hours-of-the-night kind of nights which I love, but I have to admit, they always have wine involved.  I had not been drinking my beloved wine, but when your winemaker husband comes home with different vintages of Syrah to taste side by side...well, you HAVE to! Ok, maybe I was the one that suggested we taste them side by side, but let's not point guilty fingers, the point is we then had multiple open bottles of wine that were begging to be enjoyed.

The next day I had a marathon of a hangover. Why is it that when you haven't been drinking, it hurts so much more? Shouldn't your body be in a happy place and able to weather the storm better? Biology class aside, I simply could not stay on my diet and succumbed to every desire my tummy threw at me. Flour tortillas? YES (those are definitely NOT on my gluten free diet). Candy? YES! More wine? Uhhhhh duh, I said I was hungover didn't I?

OK so 2 days in a row and back to the diet. Or so I thought. I am now on day 5 of having wine and honestly, I don't think I will be skipping it tonight. I feel a cold coming on and clearly need the alcohol to burn the germs out. I will work on being good on my diet on Wednesday, Wednesday has a nice ring to it.

*This post was brought to you by Vivac Winery Syrah, available in wine growlers from our wine kegs. The perfect way to fall off your diet.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Take it Off Baby!

OK people, long time no post! Summer flew by and if you are anything like me, you did NOT start that workout plan and did NOT diet. I have some "brain tumor" weight lingering that I would like to take off, but food tastes so good! And wine tastes even better.

I've had it with carrying this extra weight though. I'm feeling better now so I want to look better too. I still have my ankle injury to contend with, but I'm serious in my focus. I have already gone over a week with very limited alcohol intake and a Gluten Free diet. I know you are all thinking "limited" wine in my diet must mean I'm down to a bottle a day, but I swear, over this past week I only had 4 glasses of wine! One glass on two different nights and 2 glasses of sparkling wine on another day.  It is impossible to only have one glass of sparkling wine... and maybe illegal. Anyway, that means lots of nights without anything. It isn't fun, but I'm already down 4 pounds so lets keep this train movin!

I know that exercise coupled with calorie restriction is the best way to shed pounds, yet each of the days this past week, as I went to bed each night, I would plan the next day to start working out and each and every day, I forgot. I even looked up YouTube exercise videos, but still, the next morning I woke with a fresh, blank memory.

So now that my son is back in school and I can focus on me a little more, I am determined to start working out. I mean, not today. Today is the 1st day back at school and I wore a cute skirt without thinking about it (see?!? I completely forgot that I had ANY intention to work out today). BUT I am going to research possible workouts I'd like to try...so that I can forget about them tomorrow.

Cheers! Wait, not cheers for me, I'm not drinking today. Will you drink for me? A good friend would drink for me.

* this post is brought to you by the wines I am fantasizing about today: Vivac Winery Gruner Veltliner, Vivac Winery Montepulciano & Vivac Winery Malbec

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Uncharted Territory

The last we left off, was with Anxiety Wine Pairings... now it is the beginning of June and it seems a whole new world. Physical Therapy has proven helpful and I am becoming less of a marionette, liable to fall apart with the slightest breeze, however the past month has not been easy.

A few weeks ago, a young boy had a tragic accident. Out of respect for the family I will leave the details out of this post. All I will say is that you never know when it could be the last time you hug your loved ones. As a mother of a similarly aged boy, my empathy for his mother is enough to break my soul; the family is in crushing pain. If you can help, please contribute to GoFundMe by clicking here.

Attempting to not wallow in the depths of darkness, it seems to be a good time to check in with our own families, take an inventory of how everyone is doing and start a conversation about how to handle our feelings and share them. My personal family had to start this process as my health sharply declined last year and I had to have the most difficult conversation of all time with my 10 year old son... you will be ok if mommy isn't here with you. Man just typing that made my throat swell shut and tears spring to my eyes. Needless to say it put every moment of holding hands to cross a street, every head slumped on my shoulder while watching a movie, every single "I love you" into blazing clarity. After this recent tragic event, it has given these treasured moments even more weight; parents aren't suppose to lose their children.  It isn't easy, but we have started having the super scary discussions about depression and suicide and teenage hormones. I'm pretty sure Nightmare on Elm Street's Freddy Kruger would even be terrified of these talks.

It can feel daunting to speak about the things that scare us the most, it seems easier to work a little more, add an extra activity to the schedule, take the smiles at face value and call it ok, but what if it isn't? As I head back to work full time and an event season for the winery that is dizzying, I try to remember to slow down, not to lose the incredible insight I've garnered, but I find my instincts are to allow distraction to take precedence. Like a mantra I keep repeating 'slow down', something I've never been good at.

And so this summer stretches out in front of us full of uncharted territory. Always remembering to stop and slowly sip your wine.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!

Anxiety Wine Pairings

Anxiety wine pairings...this is not for people that have anxiety ABOUT pairing wines, this is for people that suffer from anxiety and need wine. Anxiety pairs with pretty much any wine you can drink in copious amounts, of course I am a professional so that means literally any wine I can get my hands on. Only problem is the medication I was on to pull my cortisol levels down and return me to a human being, was extremely hard on my liver meaning I have to be super careful with adding alcohol back into my diet...which causes my anxiety to rise. Sounds like a fun merry-go-round doesn't it?

Why are you so full of anxiety you ask? Didn't that tumor in your head shrink and haven't you started feeling good? YES and yes, but due to the mega amount of cortisol that made itself at home in my body for a year and a half (tumor had my body make excess cortisol and not dump used cortisol so a 6-19 normal range for cortisol became 47 for me); that cortisol then damaged my tendons and ligaments...all of them. I feel like a marionette liable to break free from its strings and fall into a heap on the floor. Let's face it, with the ankle sprain that tore 2 tendons and ruptured 2 ligaments completely, coupled with the dislocated shoulder from doing practically nothing, that is a close reality.

I am now clunking around in the boot the doctor gave me to help my ankle, giving me a lopsided hobble that puts stress on my hips, knees and supporting ankle...just waiting for the strings of one of these spots to break free too. I also worry about the possibility to actually heal these injuries. See the cortisol damaging the ligaments and tendons also makes it take longer to heal. If I am not properly healing, then surgery will need to happen to reconnect the ruptured ligaments. An MRI will determine if significant damage was done to my shoulder which then could result in surgery as well. My body is just so damned excited about having surgery that evidently when the brain surgery was put on the back burner (if the tumor starts to grow, surgery is a possibility once again) that it is having a party trying to get me on that operating table! Feeling like a bottle of wine a day for each individual injury should be mandatory, don't you agree? 

Then, my son got sick. A strange cold of sorts that has given him headaches and a bout of the crummies. I THINK I may be catching his bug, a headache has attacked me, but having a headache sends me into a panic that would rival a tsunami warning for someone living beach side. I try to relax, but evil thoughts swarm inside my head like a beehive "Maybe it's back! Maybe it's growing! Maybe you are getting sick again!". Headaches should not be this stressful. Surely an additional bottle of wine daily should be prescribed.  Oh and I can't sleep due to all my crazy thoughts so probably another bottle for that. What are we up to? 4 bottles a day? Sounds like liver failure for sure. Great another stressful thought. 

So back to anxiety pairings: a bright light wine like our Gruner Veltliner should start off your morning. Something happy you know? Then mid-morning a lighter bodied red, like our Pinot Noir, it can even be served slightly chilled making it a perfect choice for running from your problems. This will be followed by our Divino red wine blend, because your anxiety levels at this point in the day are driving you to start praying to the heavens for help. And finally our Diavolo red wine blend in the evening, because after a day of juggling depressing thoughts and surges of adrenaline from the anxiety, you feel like you are in hell. Big bold reds also are equivalent to comfort food so you can have it as dinner and not feel guilty. Oh wait we need to add in a glass of our port style wine Amante (not a bottle, a glass! See how restrained I am?) with cheese because you skipped dinner. I don't know if that cures anxiety, but you'd be so drunk you probably wouldn't care. We can call it the anxiety medicine diet. The word medicine makes it not just OK, but good for you.

Not being able to drink all this delicious "medicine" makes me mad all over again at that bitch cortisol. Man who knew a hormone could reek such havoc? I should probably create a pairing for punching cortisol in the face. Wouldn't that be great if drinking a specific wine was actually like physically punching your problem in the face? Well, and not make you a raging alcoholic of course. 

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Pushing it to the Limit

After the health problems of this past year, I jumped at the opportunity to take sailing classes in San Carlos, Mexico. My winemaker husband and his brother (co-winemaker) have had the dream of sailing since they were kids...ok they really had the dream of being pirates, but this is the 1st step. As my health deteriorated this past year and possible brain surgery loomed menacingly over us, we took to writing a bucket list...a list we would attack as soon as I was better. After the meds started helping me feel better and the brain tumor reduced in size, we took "seize the day" to a very literal meaning and got on a boat immediately. I am done being afraid. I am done putting work 1st and waiting for the right time to hit that bucket list. I am done putting things off for a future time. The future is too unpredictable.

Having extremely limited experience on a sailboat, myself, my husband, his brother and my sister-in-law all embarked on this adventure with a little trepidation. The class was rigorous and 2 of the days hailed 30 mile per hour winds which in turn gave us 6 foot waves and a " A Perfect Storm" kind of thrill ride few have had. As I scream/ laughed while hanging onto boat rigging so I would literally not fall out of the boat as it heaved onto its side, waves slapped my face and life sparkled so bright in contrast to the dark clouds overhead that it took my breath away.

As I type this, tears spring to my eyes. It is difficult to express the intensity of emotions this past year has given me and to be with my family, on a boat, doing something so wild, gave me the deepest heart wrenching appreciation to be alive and feeling good. It may seem overly dramatic to be sitting in a cafe crying over how special a violent sailing experience was, my husband certainly would say I am overreacting, but I can't help feeling overtly happy at the simple fact that I feel good again. It is amazing how we take our health for granted. We stress over silly things and complain when our bodies are anything but perfect. When I compare the pain I experienced this past year, the level of sickness, it rivals a severely sprained ankle or a dislocated shoulder.

I would like to add at this time that I severely sprained my ankle and also dislocated my shoulder while on this trip to Mexico.

A walking catastrophe, I stupidly jumped off the sailboat and onto the dock, not at the safely appointed side-stays, but an aft portion of the boat, and onto a docking cleat. Please take a moment to note and appreciate all the sailing terms I just used. My ankle rolled and the instant pain of it made me sit down then and there on the dock in a daze. My leg from the knee down turned purple. It was lovely. The searing pain that pulsed through my ankle was multiplied by limping around on it. A deep burning sensation punctuated by a piercing pain became my existence. All the while, due to the medication I have been on, I could not take ANY pain pills or have any alcohol. I seriously wanted a glass of wine too. BUT, even with this pain, it was nothing compared to the pain of a brain tumor.

As I limped around, using my arms as crutches...because why would I actually go to a doctor right away and get crutches? I found myself in an awkward position trying to maneuver in a tight space, favoring my injured ankle and pushing myself up to standing...I dislocated my shoulder. I know, WTH?

With my left shoulder slumped and a bone oddly protruding forward under the skin, I attempted to move my suddenly paralyzed left arm with my right hand; the sharp pain shot like lightening through my shoulder. When I woke up, evidently having passed out from the pain, I woke my husband for help. He quickly YouTubed diagnosing a dislocated shoulder and how to reset it. painfully laying me out on the bed, sweat beading up on my forehead, my dedicated hubby braced one foot flat against my rib cage and grabbed my left arm. The 1st couple times he maneuvered my arm, I moaned in deep pain, but being that it was 2am in a house full of sleeping family members, I did not scream, I quietly pleaded that he keep trying. 3rd time was the charm and I instantly could move my left hand again. This extreme pain still has nothing on a brain tumor.

So back to the overly dramatic description of our sailing adventure. I think I have adequately demonstrated that I am NOT an over-reactor since it is clear that I can seriously keep my cool. I bandaged my ankle, put my arm in a sling and finished the last 2 days of sailing classes. Luckily some of the "jobs" on a boat can be done seated with one arm. Ya, I think I earned my pirate badge. Actually my sister-in-law had gotten a terrible eye infection days earlier so between us, we made the perfect pirate: eye patch and peg leg CHECK!

The sea may have calmed as we completed the course, but the bright sparkle of life, enthusiasm, joy and love continued to rise in me. Perhaps that is why I am pulled to cry, as if all the awe for being healthy and alive is pushing the joy right up and out of my eyes.

Enough of the corny, inspirational poster talk and more of the pirate! Let's buy a boat...arrrr! I think I've earned one.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

The Valentine's Day Wine List You Actually Need

Let's face it, Valentine's Day is not friendly to most people, either you hold your significant other to an impossibly high standard that is a set-up to fail or you are single and it is suddenly glaringly obvious you are alone. No matter what your situation is, it is best to avoid the drama and take care of yourself. After all, if you don't love yourself, how can anyone else love you? And love is always shown in wine.

Valentine's Day Vivac Wine Pairings:

Vivac Chenin Blanc (wht) - to brighten your day, maybe even drink it in the morning?
buy Vivac Chenin Blanc now

Vivac Chardonnay (wht) - the creaminess will sooth your nerves as people post obnoxious photos of their Valentine's Day treats on social media.
buy Vivac Chardonnay now

Vivac Pinot Noir (red) - because gosh darn, you deserve it!
buy Vivac Pinot now

Vivac Cabernet Sauvignon (red) - you have to have your chocolate with wine don't you?
buy Vivac Cab now

Vivac Divino (red) - a wow wine to really impress yourself with. "oh self, you shouldn't have!"
buy Vivac Divino red blend now

Vivac Late Harvest Riesling (dessert) - pairing it with strawberries means it has no calories and the smaller bottle means you don't have to feel bad for drinking the whole thing by yourself.
buy Vivac Late Harvest now

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Feisty Feisty Feisty!

Welcome to 2017 and a very feisty me!

Going without wine can make people feisty. Maybe that's it? When I started on this new medication to assist the symptoms of my brain tumor, I knew I was agreeing to a sad road of zero wine for 12 weeks. For some that wouldn't seem like much, for me, one of the owners of a winery, that sounded like a death sentence.

6 weeks into the medication and I am starting to feel a little relief, more energy and my body is starting to return to a recognizable shape. Maybe the relief from the constant sickness has made me feisty?

Living without wine has been interesting, but not in the way I had thought. I hadn't been drinking all that much prior to starting the meds simply because most of the time I was too sick to have any, yet out of habit, I think of a glass of wine at the end of the day. Heading out to a special dinner, I think of the celebration wines to be opened. Every time I open my refrigerator I instinctively grab a bottle of wine. But I don't actually crave it. I miss it like an old friend I only now get to skype with, but my life has gone on fine without it. Maybe changing an ingrained habit has made me feisty?

WARNING: I am not recommending going without wine! As one of the owners of Vivac Winery, I have to take a moment to say, all people should be drinking wine because it reduces stress, is good for your heath and makes you smarter.  That last one might be my opinion, but you should regard my opinion as fact. 

What has been surprising is that zero booze doesn't mean zero hangover. I still wake up with a blistering headache and nausea every morning. Could headaches be making me feisty? I'm also surprised at people's reaction to me not drinking. It's as if I have checked into rehab. People are panicky and uncomfortable as if I may, in my lack of wine craze, freak out and slap their wine out of their hands and scream nonsense at them. I swear I don't do that. However, in my new feisty mood, I do think that would be really funny to do. I also find it interesting that people are sure that I could make an exception "just this once" yet I have liver failure as a possibility if I do...even I don't love wine THAT much! Maybe it is the reactions I'm getting from people that's making me feisty?

A final surprise has been the idea that I can't do my job without drinking. Scheduled meetings that find out I am not drinking offer to reschedule for a time after I can drink again. Family members have worried about how I would have to compensate for the lack of drinking. Funny thing is, other than my memory issues, due to my brain tumor, my wine knowledge is locked in my head and accessible to me even when I'm NOT drinking wine. I know it IS amazing. I'm probably part unicorn. Maybe that's why I'm so feisty, I have a unicorn horn growing out of my forehead?

Lots of people are also sure that the lack of booze is why my body is finally returning to a somewhat normal shape. But before the meds, I wasn't drinking much AND I was vomiting profusely. I managed to continue carrying the pregnancy belly, have a flattened pig face and gain weight uncontrollably. These are the symptoms of the illness and not body dysmorphia. It is a fact that that is what happened to my body, yet talking about it makes people so uncomfortable! I've never been told so much, how important it is to "love my body", as if noting changes and feeling good with the loss of symptoms that made me self conscious, unhappy and uncomfortable translates to hating my body. Maybe the frustration is making me feisty?

Needless to say, the feisty new me knows that life is too short and too unpredictable to be caught up in these things. I will have to watch this brain tumor for the rest of my life, and it is a gift. This past year, I had to learn to delegate, how to appreciate little wins and to focus on hugging and kissing those I love as much as possible. Because this thing could start growing again, I will always be forced to make choices based on the now. How many people have the luck to live life that conscious of life's precarious nature? Well I do and it has made me feisty!

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com