Bashing: America's Favorite Pastime

Last Sunday I fell and bashed my head onto our concrete floor. The mild concussion from the incident meant no running...all week. Talk about a blow (no pun intended) to my training. Funny how if I feel like being lazy and not running it is no big deal, but take running FROM me and I'm pissed! Anyway, the severe headaches and inability to concentrate left me in bed pondering many things. Everything was under inspection...relationships, what I want my life to look like, work...you name it. Part of the pondering was simply looking at things differently, standing back to see events or interactions without attachment or judgement, and it was interesting what stood out to me.

People love to bash things, people, places, anything. People love to complain and get others to see their point, yell as loud as they can that they are right and they have been wronged. I realize how ironic it is that I type these words on a blog known for complaining...but hang in there with me. It seems like the prevalent tone these days is seeing the negative and making sure everyone hears about it. I get it, I'm a complainer too, but for once it stood out clearer than just the daily blah blah blah. The ingrained sense of 'I'm right' and the destruction that it can cause.

This past week was intense. Not only did I bash my head, but my son is suffering from migraines and nausea brought on by anxiety. He is only 8 and the news is tough for us to take, we are those kind of parents that want to protect our child from everything...yep he is an only child...yep we know we can't actually protect him from everything. But what was surprising is the amount of feedback from people that want to bash the school or teachers or us! We weren't sharing this information with people in order to hear their rude opinions. Why do you need to bash our parenting to make your point?

Then we had an incident with an employee and a customer. Our employee was attached to 'being right'. The dreaded public outrage cried out over Facebook and it went from a person voicing their understandable frustration to personal attacks. I have a pretty thick skin when it comes to stuff like this and the winery, this is my domain, my job at the winery and I sooth those that are upset when needed, but for my winemaker husband and my winemaker brother-in-law it was very personal. I wondered, would these people say these things to the hard working winemakers that put their heart and soul into these wines if they were face to face? Where does it cross the line from opinion to cruelty? When did people start thinking they didn't need to be held accountable for their actions just because it is out on social media? We are holding our employee accountable for her actions so shouldn't those now being out of line do the same?

As we approach Thanksgiving and the Holidays, you would think people would be focused on kindness, but instead social media is inundated with bashing. Even a "Gluten Free Recipes for Thanksgiving" post by a popular magazine was strewn with hateful comments about people that are gluten free! Really people, I should "go suck a big fat one" because I am among those that are not celiac yet feel ill when I eat wheat? Really, the decline of our society is due to my "annoying" eating habits? Why don't you just ignore it and go on your merry wheat eating way? Why the bashing?

So this Holiday season, don't forget that our voices carry weight. There are real people receiving your messages and lives being impacted. People with hopes and dreams, fears and worries; people trying to make it day to day and care for their families. Maybe we can each consider being a little more forgiving, a little more understanding and bash a little less?

I even promise to step it up and use my own words more constructively. When I complain about running...which I hope to be back up and doing starting tomorrow, I will focus on the benefits of what I'm doing and stop bashing the activity itself. After all, running is just a thing that is available for me to do, it isn't running's fault that I don't like it. Even if I feel I am right for hating it.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

If You Have Nothing Nice to Say...Come Sit Next to Me.

I have to say I continue to be a little surprised by how much feedback I get about this blog. I had no idea people liked to hear me hate running so much, until I took this recent 4 month sit-on-my-butt-and-do-nothing vacation. People have come out of the woodwork asking me to start running again so the blog could get back to what I do best...complaining. So here you go my peeps...

Monday I actually started my new training. I set out on that brisk morning feeling inspired (or maybe it was fear), but as you can imagine, the 4 months of nothing felt very heavy as I heaved my body down the road. I finished the run and did NOT lay on the floor crying... so all in all, it was a successful 1st run.

Tuesday morning I woke to a screaming body. My legs burned and twitched in pain with every move. Even my abs were sore. That day's run was a little scary. It took most of the run to warm up and have a bit more ease to my gate. So, not only was the run painful, I also ran like a jerk because all my coordination went out the window when my body seized up. The podcast I listened to that day was about all the suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco...very fitting.

Wednesday, I couldn't move. My lovingly mean husband/ coach looked amused when I said I couldn't run that day. Evidently taking the day off was not an option. He said I at least needed to walk. I would have kicked him, but my legs wouldn't move.

I did as I was told and geared up for a run. I opted for the treadmill since I feared a run out on the road would leave me stranded somewhere unable to get home after my legs broke off my body and I lay there with bloody stumps, my dismembered pieces strewn about me. I made it 1 mile. Ya, no joke. I have gone from my last training with long runs of 16 miles to a pile of mush after 1 mile. I almost decided to pour myself a glass of wine to deal with the blow to my psyche. But instead I decided to punish myself with some cross training exercises.  As sweat dripped down my face and I shook from the exertion, I imagined how happy my "coach" would be to see me suffering like this.  He is a sick sick man.

Today I rest, tomorrow is my long run. The training schedule will ramp up my miles quickly to get me to the point where I can start on the "serious" runs, but I can't look ahead, I can't think about it, I have to simply take each day and do my best. If I give myself even a moment to look at this training and what I will have to do, I may actually end up on a certain bridge in San Francisco.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

I'm Baaaack!

You know the shower scene with the iconic musical score that is the film "Psycho"? That was the sound of me putting on my running shoes this morning.

YES, I finally went for a run.

It was horrible.

I decided, over a glass of wine (how I always get sucked into stupid plans), that I would start training and in fact run the race in the spring I have been considering. This means I had to count backwards from the race date an appropriate number of weeks for training. I found out I am WAY out of shape and need to already be running 16 mile long runs. This is not good. But as my coach (AKA my husband) eagerly cheered me on and planned my training, he also encouraged me to buy new running shoes...you can get me to do just about anything if new shoes are involved. I can't help it, it is a disease. So this morning I had no other choice but to go on my 1st training run. Ouch.

Many people, mostly avid runners, say 'oh man I really haven't been running!' but that means they have been running, but not training, so they are in a loop of shorter runs. When I say I haven't been running, I mean it...I HAVE NOT BEEN RUNNING. Nothing, no exercise at all, for 4 months. I know, it is totally gross. You can imagine how painful today's run was in light of this information. I think I have blood pooling in my lungs.

As I ran, I was thinking about the great things people do, not because I was inspired, but because the podcast I was listening to was droning on about it...I'm not that creative when I'm close to a heart attack. I felt like such a looser, people are out there changing the world and I can't even go out for a short run. In fact now I'm also mad that I let myself completely quit and become a tub of lard. My knee might even be hurting. I suck at running. Maybe this is the dumbest idea ever, who do I think I am jumping into training like this?

I finished the run, quite the feat with my loathsome self talk.

Now as I am writing to all of you... I  am eating cold pizza (hey I had to reward myself for running didn't I?) and staring at the most daunting training schedule I have approached yet. I am officially training for Cedro Peak's 45K Ultra Marathon.

I hope there is enough wine on the planet to get me through this.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

The Others

Piggy backing on my last post about the support crews...I'm highlighting the "support crew" that actually gets you out on those runs. You know the ones, the friends that are still running while you have taken a sabbatical to sit on the sofa and eat potato chips. They chirp excitedly about their PR (personal record) and how beautiful their morning jog was. They post glamorous selfies on Facebook for you to peruse as you slump in your chair and reflect on just how long it has been since you went for a run...3 weeks? 4? Who knows at this point, but somehow these friends and their perky attitude draw you out of that running hibernation and inspire you.

Or in my case, encourage me to watch a movie with a bag of chocolate chips. I have zero want to run, it is like a disease has taken hold of my brain and even thinking about running has a backfire result of LESS running! That is a talent by the way...to run less than not running at all.

But then there are the back-to-the-gym friends that had been your sofa allies only now to have fallen victim to the inspirational stories about running they saw online. These "supporters" are the worse. These people turn on you and while they were the buddies you called to have drinks on the patio at 3:00 with hot wings and talk about everything BUT running, they now tell you how great it is to be back running or working out and try to encourage you to get off your flabby butt and join them. My eyes can't help but glaze over with these people.

And then there is that one supporter that knows just how to get to you. For me, that person is my husband and coach. He has silently let me take a break, work on my health issues and become a lazy wad of snotty Kleenex. Then out of no where, he blows the dust off my treadmill and walks for 40 mins. This may seem like nothing to most of you, but my ultra runner hubby could be running outside in the fall leaves enjoying the crisp air...but he isn't, he is WALKING in the stuffy house on the treadmill...and he hates the treadmill. So what is this all about? Subtlety. With a simple walk, he guilt tripped me into putting my running shoes on.

He didn't say a word. He simply walked for 40mins. By the time he was done, I had my running shoes on and was prepared to spread my butter like body on the treadmill. I didn't have any grand ideas, I too was just going to walk. Walking I could handle. Walking was a first step.

This walking exbidition was followed up by a talk last night where I ventured to say I might want to go for a run in the morning. Our conversation went as follows:

Coach: "Will you run before you take our son to school or after?"

Me: "After, I can't get up early enough to run before."

Coach: "Will you dress in running clothes to do the school drop off?"

Me: "I see what you are doing here...yes, I will dress in running clothes."

Coach: "Where will you run to?"

Me: "I'm loosing interest in this run."

Coach: "Well talking about it is a start. Maybe it will happen tomorrow, maybe another day."

He is a clever man. A very clever man.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Running a Runner

There are no excuses, I STILL am not running.  I have had one of THE busiest event seasons EVER, but still, I know better than to say 'I just couldn't make the time', we can always make the time, we choose not to.

Anyway, believe it or not, today's blog isn't going to be about me complaining about running (or not running), but as a suggestion from my sister-in-law Liliana...and to distract you from the fact that I continue to avoid running, I will be writing about the support a runner needs. We have been supporting our runner husbands for years and as we take up running ourselves, we see the support that comes in to help us.

A runner in training requires massive support from those around them. Not only does the running  itself take as much time as a second job, but there is the emotional support a runner needs. There are  the highs that require an excited response of "oh wow honey that is so great you love your new running socks that much!" and the lows "honey you are not a complete failure in life because you have an injury". Each high and each low are dense with meaning for the runner and supporters, it requires the entire family to rally behind the runner. Even our small children have a part to play, they make signs for races and excitedly quiz their parent about the distance ran and what they saw on the run.

It doesn't stop there though. There are the middle of the night alarms that rouse the runner...and wake you up too. There is the constant lack of food in the house as the runner eats anything and everything that isn't nailed down and then there is the laundry. Running clothes require special drying being made out of synthetic materials so the house is constantly draped in stinky sweat laden clothing or clean drying clothes draped over every last piece of furniture. Usually is is a combination of both. I have actually considered buying a clothing store hanging rack for the house.

Finally there is the race itself. Races always start at the butt crack so the runner can get a good distance down the course in the cool of the night, but this means the support crew is cold...in the dark...and miserable as they send their runner off with cheers. Is it back to bed for the family while the runner runs? Hell no! We have a job to do! Now we must track our runner and camp out at specific spots with a bag of necessities...changes of clothing, food and of course to be a catcher as your runner decides they only need to shed a jacket or other layers. The catcher has to be one of the most demeaning of jobs as you find yourself mid way through your cheer of "you're doing great!" only to catch a mouth full of sweaty clothing.

We have even taken family trips entirely built around a race, we have spent countless hours discussing running strategies, goals and injuries, we have taken on the "sport of running" with our runners without glory or even much thanks, so you might wonder why a family wouldn't simply put their foot down and say NO to this ridiculousness. The truth is, there is nothing like the feeling of waiting at the finish line, anticipation and adrenaline pulsing through your own veins,  packed in next to all the other supporters sharing stories, there is a real sense of community felt here. Then finally seeing your runner pushing their limits and cross the finish line; there are always tears. To be there and witness the journey of willpower and perseverance is truly remarkable. Our children run out to finish the last steps of the race along side their parent, beaming with pride, and you welcome those sweat soaked hugs of joy...or sometimes disappointment when a race doesn't go well. Suddenly it is clear that the family has been a team, a lesson that can't be articulated as clearly as felt at a moment like this and it can choke up even the hardest of hearts.

So today we say CHEERS to the support crews, for every runner, no matter how big or small the race, needs them. Thank you to all of our family and friends that listen to our boring stories, are there at races, hold our hands when we cry through self doubt and all of you that read this blog.

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

Deadman Walking

My running shoes came out of hiding!

No, I still didn't run. I am still working on my adrenals and while I am feeling MUCH better and starting to have better energy levels, I continue to feel very taxed. BUT I did put my running shoes on and go for a hike. Baby steps right?

On the flip side of the coin is my brother-in-law who is currently on his taper preparing for another  Marathon.  I think this is his millionth Marathon. OK maybe not his millionth, but I have lost count he has run so many. It is amazing to me how easy it looks for some people to run these distances. I know it isn't easy, my brother-in-law works hard at it, but man it sure looks effortless. I find training to run the 26.2 miles daunting and while I have completed one full Marathon, somehow when you are surrounded by Marathon runners, it seems weak to have only done one.

I know I am going to be able to get the hang of this. I want to be one of those runners that other people look at and say "why is it so easy for her?". I want to be able to go for a run and not complain.

Later today I meet with the race director for Deadman's Ultra (one of the races our winery sponsors). The same race that was my husband's 1st Ultra...and for those of you that aren't familiar with what an Ultra is, it is any distance ABOVE 26.2. Deadman is 53 miles. Off road. Brutal. When you talk to people that are Ultra Runners, your appreciation of running goes through the roof. Here I can hardly get my butt out the door for a short run and these people run for...well forever. The race director is currently training for a 100 miler. Yep, 100 MILES! She is amazing. She is also the race director for the Cedro Peak Ultras (which we also sponsor) which includes what she calls a "baby ultra" 45K (28 miles). She is not so subtly coercing me into running that race next spring.

OK so now you guys are saying 'what the hell? She isn't running at all, she opened this blog complaining about the Marathon distance and now the psycho is saying she is thinking about an Ultra?' I am aware that sounds crazy and no I'm not drunk, but I realize as I write this, that I seem to only get my act together when I am scared to death. And what better way to scare the you-know-what out of yourself than sign up for a brutal off road "baby ultra"?

Wow, just thinking about that makes me thirsty, who wants to go grab a drink and be scared with me?

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com

For Sickness and Health

Wouldn't you know it, just as I was gearing up to finally hit the road again...I caught a horrible cold. Some say exercise actually helps you to avoid sickness, but I have never heard that from a Doctor so I can't really trust that. Some say 'two glasses of wine a day keeps the Doctor away' and while I am sure that has never been uttered by a medical professional, it is a proverb from Spain and should be taken seriously since it is ancient advice...something along the line of needing to trust your elders on this one. And so as the cold took root in my bones, I did NOT exercise, but I did drink wine. I did not get better. In fact, I got worse. However, I'm sure it was not the fault of the wine, wine is my friend.

Day 3 of this nasty beast living inside me and I am finally exorcising it out. I realize I should finally combat this cold with actual running...not the imaginary running I am doing in my head, you know planning your outfit and route but never acting on it? But instead I think I will have Rosé with my lunch today, after all, I don't want to be disrespectful to our elders.

To tell you the truth, I am scared. I am scared to start running again after taking so much time off. I am scared that my legs have atrophied, my lungs are going to stick together and my head will pound in the unrelenting chant 'you can't do this, you can't do this...' and I will be starting from square one. As you can imagine, this kind of thinking keeps my running shoes in the closet pretty easily. Yet I know that I CAN do it, that it doesn't matter if I am starting at square one because I know that I have it in me to accomplish a difficult goal and press on when things gets hard. I've done it before.

Here is the thing, running is the wringing out of your insecurities and pushing you when you think you have nothing left. Each and every one of us deserve to have that revelation. I obviously need that lesson again.

So raise a glass in cheers to our elders, for they knew that exercise and wine was good for you long long ago.

(This blog was brought to you by the ever so delicious Rosé of Dolcetto that Vivac Winery makes so well.)

-Cheers from the Vivác Winery Family!
www.VivacWinery.com